random jokes

[mofo52]

ever been to a donkey roast? everyone gets a piece of ass.

yo momma's so poor, i sat on the trash can and she said "get off the roof!".

going to war without france is like going duck hunting without an accordian.

yo momma's so fat, she jumped in the ocean and the whales started singing "we are family".

what's the difference between john kerry and an eggplant? about 3 iq points.

what do you call a fat deaf person? anything you want. he can't hear you anyway.

A man walks out of a bar, gets into his car, and drives away. He is pulled over by the police. The officer gets out of his car, walks up to the man, and says, “Sir, your eyes appear to be bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” And so the man says, “Officer, your eyes appear to be glazed. Have you been eating donuts?”

One day, George Bush was walking down the hall of the White House. A guy ran by him and said “Out of my way, moron!” George Bush said to him “Do you know who I am?” The guy said, “No.” George Bush said to him, “I’m the president.” So the guy asked Bush if he knew who he was. Bush said, “No.” So the guy said, “Good.”

After the Super Bowl, Bush called the patriots, Gore called the panthers, and Clinton called Janet Jackson.

Yo momma's so fat, she fell through the ground and struck oil.

Yo momma's so ugly she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning.

Yo momma's shirt's so tight, when I shook her hand I could check her blood pressure.

reply if u want more, i got plenty.

[otepsoul]

A. how do you fit 100 jews in a car?


Q. 2 in the front 3 in the back and 95 in the ashtray.

[mofo52]

:)

[otepsoul]

i take it you liked it.

[mofo52]

correct

[chaz_schaeffer]

rotf :mfinger:

[MaxPower]

How do you recondition an old whore?



Stick a 20 pound ham up her and pull out the bone.

[neckdemon]

hers a mom joke i always thought was funny.....

your mommas so fat, she stepped on a skittle and a rainbow shot out her ass.

[SCOT THE GREAT]

"I see," said the blind man to the deaf man talking on the telephone.

[mofo52]

hers a mom joke i always thought was funny.....

your mommas so fat, she stepped on a skittle and a rainbow shot out her ass.

i've heard a different verison of that joke:

yo momma's so fat, she sat on a rainbow and made skittles

[Unforgiven]

"I see," said the blind man to the deaf man talking on the telephone.
"I see" said the blind man to the deaf man who was listening to the radio as the lame man walked by.

[gehtfuct]

Question:What two words will clear out the mens bathroom?



Answer:"Nice dick!"

[MaxPower]

A. how do you fit 100 jews in a car?


Q. 2 in the front 3 in the back and 95 in the ashtray.


Ouch...LOL....bruital.

[otepsoul]

Ouch...LOL....bruital.
thanks

[Fourples]

Ok, it's kinda racist but still funny.

Why didn't the black guy marry the mexican girl?

He didn't want his kids too lazy to steal. :)

[YUCK FOU!!!]

Some boring jokes to make you giggle.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
> > >One turns to the other and says "dam"
> > >
> > >
> > >Two peanuts walk into a bar
> > >One was a salted.
> > >
> > >
> > >A jump-lead walks into a bar.
> > >The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
> > >
> > >
> > >A sandwich walks into a bar.
> > >The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
> > >
> > >
> > >A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
> > >
> > >
> > >A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
> > >says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
> > >
> > >
> > >Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony
> > >wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
> > >
> > >
> > >Two cannibals are eating a clown.
> > >One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
> > >
> > >
> > >Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says
> > >I'll give you some cream to put on it."
> > >
> > >
> > >"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
> > >"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?"
> > >"It's not unusual."
> > >
> > >
> > >Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
> > >Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
> > >"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
> > >"It's true, no bull!"
> > >
> >
> > >
> > >Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
> > >One says, "I've lost my electron."
> > >The other says, "Are you sure?"
> > >The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
> > >
> > >
> > >Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullsh#t before
> > >
> > >
> > >A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
> > >"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
> > >"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
> > >So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
> > >Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
> > >"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
> > >"No, because he's really heavy"
> > >
> > >
> > >I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
> > >find any.
> > >
> > >
> > >I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
> > >couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
> > >And he said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'
> > >
> > >
> > >My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
> > >He was pulled in by a strong currant.
> > >
> > >
> > >Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
> > >with nuts & hundreds and thousands.
> > >Police say that he topped himself.
> > >
> > >
> > >What do you call a fish with no eyes?
> > >A fsh
> > >
> > >
> > >Two fish are in a tank
> > >One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

[Fourples]

those aren't funny.

[teh anarchist]

yeah not too funny there .. try something more along the lines of ..
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, Do you know what I'm doing? Yes, she says, you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities. That is correct,* says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. *Do you know what I'm doing now? he says. Yes, says the woman, you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer. That's right, replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, Do you know what I'm doing now? Yes, she says. You're getting herpes.

A Texan, an Apache and an arab were drinking in a bar. The Apache laments, "Once my people were many, now we are few!" The arab speaks up, "Once my people were few, now we are many!" The Texan looks at the arab and says, "We ain't played Cowboys & arabs, yet!"

I've got plenty of dirty jokes but it's been pretty clean so far so I didn't want to start that

[gehtfuct]

The other day I steped into this elevator.
While sniffing the air, I notice a woman standing in the corner.
I ask her:...
"Excuse me miss,I dont mean to be rude but.."
"Can I smell your pussy?"
The woman snaps back:...
"You most certainly cannot!"
"Well, I guess that must be your feet then."

[The_DEA]

The other day I steped into this elevator.
While sniffing the air, I notice a woman standing in the corner.
I ask her:...
"Excuse me miss,I dont mean to be rude but.."
"Can I smell your pussy?"
The woman snaps back:...
"You most certainly cannot!"
"Well, I guess that must be your feet then."*falls out of chair* lmmfao

[Uber Squirrel]

Whats the glory of being 104 years old....


No peer presure..

[Unforgiven]

You know you're a nerd when you walk up to a hot girl in a bar and say "wanna cyber?"

[chubz]

hey, did ya here dolly parton is getting into the grocery business?
she bought out piggly wiggly, big lots, and harris teeter
she renamed it to big wiggly teeters

[blueangels632]

2 asians walk into a bar.... two weeks later they own it!

[blueangels632]

Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

[G's-up]

OK.....why did the Mexican girl end up pregnant? He teacher told her to go home and do an essay...... :)

[blueangels632]

OK.....why did the Mexican girl end up pregnant? He teacher told her to go home and do an essay...... :)
nice

[blueangels632]

ever been to a donkey roast? everyone gets a piece of ass.

yo momma's so poor, i sat on the trash can and she said "get off the roof!".

going to war without france is like going duck hunting without an accordian.

yo momma's so fat, she jumped in the ocean and the whales started singing "we are family".

what's the difference between john kerry and an eggplant? about 3 iq points.

what do you call a fat deaf person? anything you want. he can't hear you anyway.

A man walks out of a bar, gets into his car, and drives away. He is pulled over by the police. The officer gets out of his car, walks up to the man, and says, “Sir, your eyes appear to be bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” And so the man says, “Officer, your eyes appear to be glazed. Have you been eating donuts?”

One day, George Bush was walking down the hall of the White House. A guy ran by him and said “Out of my way, moron!” George Bush said to him “Do you know who I am?” The guy said, “No.” George Bush said to him, “I’m the president.” So the guy asked Bush if he knew who he was. Bush said, “No.” So the guy said, “Good.”

After the Super Bowl, Bush called the patriots, Gore called the panthers, and Clinton called Janet Jackson.

Yo momma's so fat, she fell through the ground and struck oil.

Yo momma's so ugly she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning.

Yo momma's shirt's so tight, when I shook her hand I could check her blood pressure.

reply if u want more, i got plenty.
lol

[vicodincasserole]

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

[vicodincasserole]

A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.

The zookeeper approaches a redneck janitor with a proposition. “Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500?” he asks.

The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: “First, I don’t want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this.” The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.

“Well,” says the janitor, “I’m gonna need another week to come up with the $500.”

[gehtfuct]

You wanna hear a joke?

Knock,knock.

Who's there?

Go fuck yourself!


For a free "gehtfuct card",can you guess what movie this quote is from?

[Zephlar]

Two irishmen walk out of a bar.

[Unforgiven]

Life

[MaxPower]

At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, "Home for Lunch".

The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. The two women were standing there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure this out. The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.

"Well, yes" said the one woman. "We were curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"

"Oh," said the artist. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went "Home for Lunch."