Joke:

[Broken]

A guy stops to visit his friend, who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, “My feet are cold. Would you get my sneakers for me?”

The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend’s two gorgeous daughters. He says, “Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to have sex with you.”

The first daughter says, “That’s not true.”

He says, “I’ll prove it.”

He yells down the stairs, “Both of them?”

His friend yells back, “Of course, both of them.”

[badassmtbiker]

nice!

[GottaHurt]

Good one :D

[anti-movielife]

haha what a bastard! :D

[Michael Bolton]

ill have to try that the next time my dad sends me upstairs to get me his slippers, I wonder if it'll work...?

















wait a minute...

[otepsoul]

lol thats good, heres one for you. dont take offense if it makes u feel bad.

Q. how do u fit 100 jews in a car????

A. 2 in the front 3 in the back and 95 in the ash tray.

[GottaHurt]

lol thats good, heres one for you. dont take offense if it makes u feel bad.

Q. how do u fit 100 jews in a car????

A. 2 in the front 3 in the back and 95 in the ash tray.

Copy/Paste into the archives. :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[badassmtbiker]

lol thats good, heres one for you. dont take offense if it makes u feel bad.

Q. how do u fit 100 jews in a car????

A. 2 in the front 3 in the back and 95 in the ash tray.


Hmm.. did we just turn this thread into Tell us your most offensive, off-color joke?

Please say yes. Please say yes.

[Broken]

I think that's a fire at will! :gun: :gun:

[badassmtbiker]

What's black and blue and hates sex?

The twelve year-old in my trunk


Bring it

[authority2bitch]

What's black and blue and hates sex?

The twelve year-old in my trunk


Bring it
im not black..or blue.....and i dont hate sex...and i dont wanna b in ur trunk, but i DO wanna b in ur back seat :D

[Broken]

authority2bitch Quote:
Originally Posted by badassmtbiker
What's black and blue and hates sex?

The twelve year-old in my trunk


Bring it

im not black..or blue.....and i dont hate sex...and i dont wanna b in ur trunk, but i DO wanna b in ur back seat

================================= =============================
Holy shit the lines that score chicks these days!!! ROFL.. twisted

[badassmtbiker]

authority2bitch Quote:
Originally Posted by badassmtbiker
What's black and blue and hates sex?

The twelve year-old in my trunk


Bring it

im not black..or blue.....and i dont hate sex...and i dont wanna b in ur trunk, but i DO wanna b in ur back seat

================================= =============================
Holy shit the lines that score chicks these days!!! ROFL.. twisted


Don't you wish your boyfriend was swass like me

[GottaHurt]

Ahhh little giiiiirrrrrrl, you can pet him, but he'll spit on ya..

[otepsoul]

ok i have one more - there is a black guy and a white guy,the black guy says i have a new car when i honk the horn it goes honky honky,the white guy says i have a new chain saw when i start it up it goes vroom nigga nigga nigga.

Q. aight maybe 1 more joke what does a sprinkler say???????

A. chink chink chink chink chink....

:thumbsup: :)

[GottaHurt]

Well since it's getting off color...

Q:How do you save a negro from drowning?
A:Take your foot off his head.


Q:How do you starve a negro?
A:Hide his welfare check underneath his workboots.

[otepsoul]

nice lol :thumbsup: how do u save your self a dollar kill a home less person,then one less hobo will ask u for spare change.

[badassmtbiker]

Q. What'd the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas?

A. CANCER!! :thumbsup:

[otepsoul]

lol yes im going to copy and paste that.

[TickedNick]

whats pink and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool,

a baby child with deflated arm bands

[badassmtbiker]

what's the difference between a Cadillac and 6 dead babies?

I don't have a Caddy in my garage.

[otepsoul]

hmmm lol all casue of my 100 jews joke this thread went all racail jokes. and baby jokes. :thumbsup:

[MUFFDIVER]

BAD ASS THATS NOT FUNNY ONE DAY YOU WILL END UP IN JAIL WERE YOU WILL BE FUCKED IN THE ASS EVERY NIGHT,YOU COCKMASTER,IF I EVER GOT AHOLD OF YOU I WOULD BRING YOU TO MY CABIN TIE YOU UP AND SMEAR PEANUT BUTTER OVER YOUR NUTS AND WATCH MY PITBULLS EAT YOUR ASS YOU FUCKIN NO GOOD LIVE AT HOME MOMMAS BOY FUCK YOU :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :bomb:

[MUFFDIVER]

BIKER I WILL DRIVE MY HARLEY OVER YOUR FUCKIN HEAD YOU WANNABE SUZUKI OWNER :mfinger: :mfinger:

[TickedNick]

muff diver it's a joke, you moron, whats black and blue and hates sex? a rape victim!

ass sucker

[MUFFDIVER]

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: it just really pissed me off leave kids out of jokes except immi's

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BEETWEEN A CUNT AND A PUUSY

a pussy is soft and warm and a cunt is the one that owns it

EVERBODY NAME DIFFERENT NAMES FOR PUSSY

[MUFFDIVER]

BEARDED CLAM.....NAPPYDUGOUT......COCK HOLSTER......PUNANI...
COCK CABINET.......TWAT.......undefine dundefined

[otepsoul]

ok i thought it was jokes not names for pussys what happen to this thread. :cool:

[Skorch]

At this point I'd just say ignore mr. muff over there and continue with the funny-making

[badassmtbiker]

BAD ASS THATS NOT FUNNY ONE DAY YOU WILL END UP IN JAIL WERE YOU WILL BE FUCKED IN THE ASS EVERY NIGHT,YOU COCKMASTER,IF I EVER GOT AHOLD OF YOU I WOULD BRING YOU TO MY CABIN TIE YOU UP AND SMEAR PEANUT BUTTER OVER YOUR NUTS AND WATCH MY PITBULLS EAT YOUR ASS YOU FUCKIN NO GOOD LIVE AT HOME MOMMAS BOY FUCK YOU :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :bomb:

I've only seen a few of your posts, but this is the second reference to butt fucking someone. Predisposition, perhaps? Either way, I just can't get past one thing in your post..

you wanna smear peanut butter on my ballz. Fag.

[badassmtbiker]

Q. How many men does it take to change a kitchen light?

A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. Why are women's feet so small?

A. So they can stand closer to the stove

Q. What do you do when your dishwasher quits working?

A. Kick her in the ass, and tell her to get back to work

Q. What's worse than a male chauvenist pig?

A. A stupid cunt that won't shut the fuck up and do what's she's told.

[badassmtbiker]

Q. How do you get 100 dead babies into a bucket?

A. Blender.

Q. How do you get 'em out?

A. chips.

Q. How many babies does it take to paint a house?

A. Depends how hard you throw 'em

[badassmtbiker]

And someone said something about racist jokes, yes?

Q. What's the difference between a large pizza and a hispanic man?

A. The pizza can actually feed a family of four.

[Tain]

There's a black man in my family tree.

HE'S STILL HANGING THERE!

[screw_you_jack]

Q:what's Worse Then 10 Babies In A Dumspter?
A: One Baby In 10 Dumpsters

Q: What's Else Is Worse Than 10 Babies In A Dumpster?
A: One Live Baby Under The 10 Dead Ones Trying To Eat It's Way Out
Q: What's Worse Then That?
A: It Going Back For Seconds

[Skorch]

Great, now I'm hungry. Mmmmmm...babies.

[Broken]

Great, now I'm hungry. Mmmmmm...babies.
Twisted man..

[Skorch]

A Modest Proposal, anyone? Anyone?

[badassmtbiker]

Great, now I'm hungry. Mmmmmm...babies.

Toddler's better.

[DonGringo]

What's the differance between a bunch of dead babies and bowling balls?

You can't pick up the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

[BUSHSUCKSBALLS]

Q. how do u fit 100 jews in a car????

A. 2 in the front 3 in the back and 95 in the ash tray.

That's horrible dude.

[BUSHSUCKSBALLS]

Ahhh little giiiiirrrrrrl, you can pet him, but he'll spit on ya..

Lol thats a nice one. Not really a joke but still funny.

[BUSHSUCKSBALLS]

Q. What'd the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas?

A. CANCER!! :thumbsup:

Lol that one was funny too.

[BUSHSUCKSBALLS]

you wanna smear peanut butter on my ballz. Fag.

Lol this thread makes me chuckle...

[BUSHSUCKSBALLS]

1.
Q: What's yellow, tan, and blue and sits at the bottom of a pool?
A: A babie with slashed floaties.

2.
Q: What's yellow, green, and blue and sits at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same babie three weeks later!

3.
Q: What's yellow, red, and blue and floats at the top of a pool?
A: Floaties with slashed baby!


Jokes two and three are both ment to go after joke one, but I couldn't decide which one to use so I put up both of them :thumbsup:.


4.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

5.
Q: What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
A: You can't gargle gravel.

6.
Q: What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A: A baby with a black eye!

7.
Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
A: Art.

Ack I am growing tired of this, just go here Dead-Baby-Joke (http://www.dead-baby-joke.com), hahaha! You will sure get some laughs...

[otepsoul]

dam its all gone to baby jokes is that all u guys have.

this one is pretty stupid.


A young jew comes to his Rabbi.
- Rabbi, I need your advice.
- OK.
- I'd like to get married.
- Marry.
- But I don't love her.
- Don't marry.
- But she is rich.
- Marry.
- But she is old.
- Don't marry.
- But her father will share his business with me.
- Marry.
- But she is ugly.
- Don't marry.
- Rabbi, I came to you to get advice, but you say only "Marry - don't marry".
- Adopt Christianity.
- Why???
- You'll fuck the mind of a Christian priest then!

[otepsoul]

hmmm this thread went to shit,but it had a good run. :)

[Chris]

There was once a woman, every time she went to work, one of her co-workers came up to her, took a big sniff, and said "your hair smells beautiful today". After one year of this, she had had enough, she went to the police and charged him for sexual discrimination. They said "he only compliments your hair, how can you call that sexual discrimination?!", she answered "HE IS A GODDAMN MIDGET!"

[DonGringo]

There was once a woman, every time she went to work, one of her co-workers came up to her, took a big sniff, and said "your hair smells beautiful today". After one year of this, she had had enough, she went to the police and charged him for sexual discrimination. They said "he only compliments your hair, how can you call that sexual discrimination?!", she answered "HE IS A GODDAMN MIDGET!"

hahaha

[Chris]

What's the similarity between a wife and a condom? She is more in your wallet than on your dick....

[Broken]

lol~ Not bad

[Hagane]

Did you hear about the rich mexican?
..
Neither did i.

Racist Chainsaw sayz: RUNNIGGANIGGANIGGA

What happens when you line up 2 chinese people a mexican and 2 blacks?
You get a sprinkler system CHINK CHINK **** NIGGA NIGGA

What happens when you have a group of mexicans surround your house?
You have a ****-et Fence

[Chris]

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they\'re intelligent.

\"I do so by asking them the right questions,\" says the Queen. \"Allow me to demonstrate.\"

She phones Tony Blair and says, \"Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?\"

Tony Blair responds, \"It\'s me, ma\'am.\"

\"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,\" says the Queen. She hangs up and says, \"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?\"

\"Yes ma\'am. Thanks a lot. I\'ll definitely be using that!\"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he\'d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, \"Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.\"

\"Why, of course, sir. What\'s on your mind?\"

\"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?\"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, \"Can I think about it and get back to you?\" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

\"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?\" Powell answers immediately, \"It\'s me, of course, you dumb ass.\"

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, \"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It\'s Colin Powell!\" And Bush replies in disgust, \"Wrong, you dumb ass, It\'s Tony Blair!\"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Colin Powell was passing a portrait of George Washington in the White House one day, when the portrait came alive and asked \"Hey ******, get me a horse!\".

Powell quickly rushed to Condeleza Rice and told her what happened. Laughing, she nevertheless accompanied Powell to the portrait.

As nothing happened for a few minutes, they were turning away from the portrait, when the portrait came alive again and demanded \"Hey, ******s, where is my horse?\".

Both Rice and Powell rushed to George Bush, who, laughing, nevertheless accompanied them to the portrait.

When nothing happened for a few minutes, they were turning away from the portrait, when Washington once again came alive, threw up his hands and exclaimed \"Typical ******s, I ask for a horse and they bring me a jackass!\"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once upon a time Mr. Bush was too upset. He ran away from his home into a jungle and he saw a beautiful girl in the bushes. He ran towards her to catch her. When he caught her in his arms she punched him in his mouth and said \"I am already caught by bushes, no need for you idiot\".



--------------------------------------------------------------------------


As I',m sure you all have figured by now, I just LUUUUUUUUVE Bush...

[Captain 151]

What's better then nailing a dead baby to the wall?

- RRRRIPPIN IT DOWN!!!


A pirate walks into a bar with a parrot on its shoulder and a steering wheel in its pants. The bartender looks at him and says, "uh, do you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?" and pirate replies, "ARRRR... ITS DRIVIN ME NUTS!"

[Chris]

A man walks in to a bar, out of his pocket, he takes a 12 inch pianist. Another man sais "Holy shit, where did you get that??", "There is a Genie outside", "A what?", "A magic spirit, it gives you one wish, but you have to talk very loud, he is half deaf", "ok". The other man goes outside and sais "I want one million Bucks". The next second, one million Ducks fly through the bar. "What the hell happened?", "I told you he was half deaf, why the hell would I ask for a 12 inch pianist??".

[screw_you_jack]

A little girl comes home from kindergarden and runs to her mom to tell her wha tshe's learned.... Look mom, i can count to 10.... 1,2,3,5,6,7,8,9,10..... the mom says, good, you only missed one number. THe little gril asks "is it becuase i'm a blonde mommy?" and her mom replies "yes"
THe next day the little gril comes home and says, "look what io learned today ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ" and the mom said "very good, you did very well" and the little gril said "is that becuase i'm a blonde mommy?" and the mommy said "yes"
so the next day the little gril comes home and says "mommy in gym class today i noticed that i have really big breast and all the other girls don't ahve anything. Is that becuse i'm a blonde?" and the mom said, "no dear, that's becuase your 20."

[and.suckmyballs]

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they\'re intelligent.

\"I do so by asking them the right questions,\" says the Queen. \"Allow me to demonstrate.\"

She phones Tony Blair and says, \"Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?\"

Tony Blair responds, \"It\'s me, ma\'am.\"

\"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,\" says the Queen. She hangs up and says, \"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?\"

\"Yes ma\'am. Thanks a lot. I\'ll definitely be using that!\"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he\'d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, \"Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.\"

\"Why, of course, sir. What\'s on your mind?\"

\"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?\"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, \"Can I think about it and get back to you?\" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

\"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?\" Powell answers immediately, \"It\'s me, of course, you dumb ass.\"

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, \"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It\'s Colin Powell!\" And Bush replies in disgust, \"Wrong, you dumb ass, It\'s Tony Blair!\"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
what the fuck is with those dashes you crazy mofo you got me lost, confused and made me think to hard to laugh, jeex!!!

[MUFFDIVER]

:thumbsup: Did you hear about the rich mexican?
..
Neither did i.

Racist Chainsaw sayz: RUNNIGGANIGGANIGGA

What happens when you line up 2 chinese people a mexican and 2 blacks?
You get a sprinkler system CHINK CHINK **** NIGGA NIGGA

What happens when you have a group of mexicans surround your house?
You have a ****-et Fence


thats some funny shit :rolleyes: :tongue: :thumbsup:

[otepsoul]

Q: Why did the man put an eye in the freezer?
A: He wanted to make an icicle.

this one is stupid.

[Chris]

the little kid was out fishing with his grandpa. Suddenly, he's grandpa takes out a big bottle of whisky. The kid asks "Can I have some?", "Can you dick touch you asshole?" grandpa asks. "No....". Then you can't have any!. A little later, the same thing happens again. GRandpa takes out the whisky, the kids asks, grandpa asks his trick question, the kid can't have any. Then, the kid takes out a bottle of coke, the granpa, thirsty after those loads of whisky, asks if he can have some. "Can your dick touch your asshole?" the kid asks. Granpa thinks a little, and sais "Yes". Then the kid sais "THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!"

[anti-movielife]

Chicking and an Egg

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
:tongue:

[and.suckmyballs]

rednecks are funny....i say make fun of them

[otepsoul]

just keeping this thread alive.

[2BOrNot2B]

this is a mean one:

Q: What is a jew with a oxygen mask?
A: A spoilsport!

:D

[Bigfoot]

How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed
Put velcro on the ceiling!

[badassmtbiker]

How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed
Put velcro on the ceiling!


How do you get him down?

Tell the mexican neighbor kids he's pinata

[Raiden_this_sux]

the little kid was out fishing with his grandpa. Suddenly, he's grandpa takes out a big bottle of whisky. The kid asks "Can I have some?", "Can you dick touch you asshole?" grandpa asks. "No....". Then you can't have any!. A little later, the same thing happens again. GRandpa takes out the whisky, the kids asks, grandpa asks his trick question, the kid can't have any. Then, the kid takes out a bottle of coke, the granpa, thirsty after those loads of whisky, asks if he can have some. "Can your dick touch your asshole?" the kid asks. Granpa thinks a little, and sais "Yes". Then the kid sais "THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!"

ahha thats a realy good 1!!! lmao
:thumbsup: :) :thumbsup:

[Raiden_this_sux]

why are blacks afraid of motorcycles?

cuz they make the noise *RUNNN, NIGGA, NIGGA, NIGGA

[Bigfoot]

What's the differance between a run over dog and a run over black man?
There are skid marks in front of the dog!

How do you get 6 old ladies to sware?
The 7th one says bingo!

what do you call a blonde with half a brian?
Gifted.

[Chris]

ahha thats a realy good 1!!! lmao
:thumbsup: :) :thumbsup:


Thanx...thanx....hehe


--------------------------------------------------------------------------A guy with a small head and big muscles walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. So the bartender does just that. The bartender begins to talk with the man and finally asks the man \"I don\'t mean to sound gay or anything but I want to compliment you on your great physique, but one question\", he continued, \"Why is your head so small?\" The man has heard this comment 100 times over, chuckles and replies \"Well, one day I was a really scrawny man. I was walking through the forrest and I heard a cry for help, so I go to where the cry was coming from and I saw a frog making all that noise.\" The frog tells the man \"kiss me and I\'ll turn into a beautiful, naked woman.\" So the man does just that. The frog turns into a beautiful, naked woman. The naked woman then tells the man, \"Now you have 3 wishes.\" So the man says, \"What I want for my first wish is that I want to have the body of Arnold Schwarzenegger.\" She grants him his wish. He rips out his clothes (being the skinny man that he was his clothes did not fit him anymore.) \"My 2nd wish\", the man says, staring at the beauty in front of him,\"is to fuck your brains out.\" So the 2 were fucking for hours and afterwards they were both laying next to each other and the woman tells the man, \"You know, you still have one more wish left,\" the man replies, \"How about a little head?\"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guy walks into a bar and says I\\\'ll take 9 shots a Jack Daniels. The bartender says \\\"9 shots !!! /Guy says yea I\\\'m celebrating my first blow job. Bartender says \\\"heck in that case lets make it an even 10. Guy says \\\"no thanks if 9 shots don\\\'t get this taste out of my mouth nothing will!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day there was this lady who could not find a babysitter so she had to take her son to the bar where she worked. This guy walked up to him and knocked him off the barstool and the little boy stood up and said \"what the heck was that?\" The guy replies \"that was a kung-fu chop from China\". The little boy gets back up and says \"ok\". A little bit later the kid falls to the ground again and he says to the guy \"what was that?\" The guy replies \"that was a karate kick from Japan\". The little boy says \"ok\". Then the little boy gets knocked to the floor again and gets up and says \"what the heck was that for?\" The guy says \"that was a regular kick from Australia\". The little boy says \"forget this, I will be back a little bit\". A little while went by and the boy came back and knocked the guy out and walks up to the bartender and says \"when he wakes up tell him that was a crowbar from Sears!\"

[otepsoul]

this is a mean one:

Q: What is a jew with a oxygen mask?
A: A spoilsport!

:Dyes its about time anthor jew joke comes in besides my 100 jews joke.

[Chris]

Yes, we need more of them!

[badassmtbiker]

yes its about time anthor jew joke comes in besides my 100 jews joke.


That's fucked. My grandfather died in a concentration camp. The guard tower's didn't have arm rails.

[Chris]

ok... :confused:

[badassmtbiker]

ok... :confused:


You say "what?" a lot throughout the day, don't you? Ever notice how most everyone around is always laughing - even though you're not? Yea, odds are they're laughing at you. Don't feel bad. People that "don't get it" serve a purpose - being fodder for those of us that do.

[Chris]

No shit, Sherlock....I just thought the not-working tower was a little random considering we were asking for jew-jokes

[badassmtbiker]

No shit, Sherlock....I just thought the not-working tower was a little random considering we were asking for jew-jokes


Okay, don't try a smartass retort when someone insults your intelligence. Especially, when said retort only furthers the point that you didn't get it.

[Chris]

OK
OK
Whatever you say

[badassmtbiker]

OK
OK
Whatever you say

Don't turn your back when I'm talking to you.

Errr...

[GottaHurt]

Okay, don't try a smartass retort when someone insults your intelligence. Especially, when said retort only furthers the point that you didn't get it.

LMAO....BA, I'm not trying to tell you your business, but you're arguing with a rock.That dude makes no sense in his posts, and definitely has issues with gender identification.

[Chris]

Neither did you, are you talking about me or about biker?

[badassmtbiker]

LMAO....BA, I'm not trying to tell you your business, but you're arguing with a rock.That dude makes no sense in his posts, and definitely has issues with gender identification.

Yea, just figured that out. Actually, I had a more meaningful conversation with my penis this morning. What? Like you don't talk to your cock. Fuck you :mfinger:


Oh.. for the record - you got the joke, right?

[Chris]

Yes, actually, I did. hehe, I do too, you have something in common with me...muahahahahahahahahahahah! HEHE

[GottaHurt]

Neither did you, are you talking about me or about biker?

What, are you talking to me? What, are you talking to me?

What, are you fucking auditioning for the remake of Taxi Driver ?

I tell you what, I'll keep the sarcasm to a minimum, plus I'll even add a little red bouncing ball for you to follow along with.

[badassmtbiker]

What, are you talking to me? What, are you talking to me?

What, are you fucking auditioning for the remake of Taxi Driver ?

I tell you what, I'll keep the sarcasm to a minimum, plus I'll even add a little red bouncing ball for you to follow along with.


Sad, but this is what it's come to. I love how he thought you were telling him that talking to me was like talking to a brick wall. Nice.

[Chris]

Who says he didn't...?

[badassmtbiker]

Who says he didn't...?

You still here?

[Raiden_this_sux]

Q:how do chinese people name their children?

A:by throwing their silverware down the steps and takin the noises

[GottaHurt]

Who says he didn't...?

Change the title under your name to "Stupid Bastard". Can you hear me now?

[screw_you_jack]

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."

[Unforgiven]

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."

i've heard the same joke with every hockey team and every nationality. it gets old

[screw_you_jack]

i've heard the same joke with every hockey team and every nationality. it gets old
MAybe, but i'm slow and only heard it today. . . . :redface: ohh well....
tell a better one

[GottaHurt]

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barbers chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin." "I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get tits too."

[Unforgiven]

41 Rules Men Wish Women Knew


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3 . Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
41. Anyone can buy condoms.

[otepsoul]

There is a Jewish family, a wife, a husband, and a mother in -law. One day, they decide to travel to the holy lands. While praying in the temple, the mother in-law passes away. Coincidentally, a caretaker passes by and says that the family can bury her here or send the body back to America. To bury her in the holy lands, it will cost $5,000 and to send her to America will cost $10,000. After a few minutes of thinking, the husband finaly says, " I think we'll send her back home." Shocked the caretaker asks, "Why? It costs more money!!" The husband answers " I have heard a story about a man who was buried here and after three days he rose from the dead. I don't wanna take any chances!!

[otepsoul]

One time there was a blonde and she was driving in her brand new corvette and she got pulled over from going to fast. So the police officer told her to please get out of the car and she did. then he drew a circle on the road and said stand in this circle and do not get out of it.So he turns around and pops her tires and she starts to laugh. Then he turns around and he smashes all of her windows and the blonde started laughing even harder. So he turns around and dents all of her doors and the blonde starts laughing hysterically and the police officer turned around and he said why are you laughing I just totaled your car. And the blonde says all the times you turned around I stepped out of the circle.

[otepsoul]

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were driving through the desert, and their car ran out of gas. The brunette said that she had seen a gas-station a couple miles back. So they all decided to take something. The redhead asked the brunette what she was taking, and the redhead replied: "water, so that we can stay hydrated!" The redhead asked the brunette what she was taking and the brunette replied: "food, so that we can eat when we get hungry!" Finally they both asked the blonde what she was taking. The blonde said, "I'm taking the car door, so that when we get hot we can roll down the window!"

[Chris]

1 munk, 30 nons, lotsa free time

[GottaHurt]

What kind of meat does a priest eat on Sunday?


Nun.

[badassmtbiker]

What kind of meat does a priest eat on Sunday?


Nun.


How do you get a nun pregnant?

you fuck her!

[Philldoe]

When i get my joke archive CD RW back im going to post a shit load of jokes.hehehe ;)

[Ctoit]

ill have to try that the next time my dad sends me upstairs to get me his slippers, I wonder if it'll work...?

















wait a minute...


Sick Bastard ......... :rolleyes:

[Ctoit]

What do ya say to a guy with two black eyes........

Nothing you already told him twice

[Broken]

What do ya say to a guy with two black eyes........


Sorry my implants are still hard???

[Chris]

LMAO :thumbsup:

[otepsoul]

lol nice

[badassmtbiker]

Two guys are sitting next to each other an an airplane. They both have black eyes, and after a little while one asks the other what happened.

Guy #1: Well, there was this hottie at the ticket counter, when I was buying my plane ticket. She had the most beautiful breasts I'd ever seen. When it was my turn, I got up and surely thought I said 'I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh.' Unfortunately, I said 'I'd like two pickets to Titsburgh.'

Guy #2: Ouch. That's really similar to how I got my black eye.

Guy #1: Really? What happened?

Guy #2: Well, I was sitting at the kitchen table with my wife, and I meant to say, 'Honey, would you please pass the salt,' but somehow said, 'you ruined my life you miserable fucking cunt!'

[Ctoit]

Two guys are sitting next to each other an an airplane. They both have black eyes, and after a little while one asks the other what happened.

Guy #1: Well, there was this hottie at the ticket counter, when I was buying my plane ticket. She had the most beautiful breasts I'd ever seen. When it was my turn, I got up and surely thought I said 'I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh.' Unfortunately, I said 'I'd like two pickets to Titsburgh.'

Guy #2: Ouch. That's really similar to how I got my black eye.

Guy #1: Really? What happened?

Guy #2: Well, I was sitting at the kitchen table with my wife, and I meant to say, 'Honey, would you please pass the salt,' but somehow said, 'you ruined my life you miserable fucking cunt!'


LMFAO------ :thumbsup:

[Chris]

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.
Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.

Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the bartender, "Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?"

"Well," says the bartender, "I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows..."

[Ctoit]

Well," says the bartender, "I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows..."




Jus not enough..... ;)

[Chris]

I know, that wasn't my joke

Mine are better

[otepsoul]

lets hear a good one chris.

[otepsoul]

dam this is the longest thread ive ever seen. and has over 1.4views

[Chris]

lets hear a good one chris.


Ok,

Two guys are going camping. After they had reached the base camp and had set it up, one of the guys says "I gotta take a dump! Where do I go?"
"Go around the corner there, behind those trees and do it."

"Okay."

So the guy is gone for about 10 minutes, all of a sudden he remembers that he didn't bring any toilet paper. So he yells at the other guy for some TP but to no avail, the two didn't have any at all.

"What do you mean "We don't have any?"

"Just what I said, quit your whining and use some leaves or grass or something!"

"There isn't any!!"

"Well use some rocks or maybe a pine cone!"

"There isn't any!!"

"Well... Have you got a dollar?"

"Yeah" (Somewhat confused)

"Well use that then, geez!"

Another 10 minutes go by and the man emerges from the trees, with crap all the way up to his elbows.

"What the HELL happened??!!"

"Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel?"

[Chris]

There was a married couple in their living room, watching television. Suddenly the guy gets the urge to give some hot oral love to his wife. "Hey, baby," he says, "How 'bout I take you to the bedroom and get naughty south of the border?"
"No..." she replies, "I'm having my period."

"I don't care let's do it anyway," said her amorous husband.

"Ewww... Yet, okay," she says, "But what if someone comes to the door?"

"I'll just tell them I was eating a jelly sandwich and that I'm a messy guy." She agrees.

So they go in the room and he's going to town and she's loving it when all of the sudden the doorbell rings. The guy looks up, and he decides to leave it. The door bell rings again, and a third time. The man finally gets up and goes to open the door and it's their mailman.

"I have a package for you," the mail carrier says looking at the guy in a weird way.

"Okay, I'll sign for it," replies the husband.

"What's the matter with your face?" The mail carrier boldly asks.

"I was eating a jelly sandwich," the guy replies.

The mail carrier then smiles and says... "Yeah? Well, just to let you know you've also got some peanut butter on your nose."

[GottaHurt]

I know, that wasn't my joke

Mine are better

I knew it! You're that lieutenant from Good Morning Vietnam. Nothing like a good polka.

[Chris]

I knew it! You're that lieutenant from Good Morning Vietnam. Nothing like a good polka.




You finally got me ;) (WTF is Good Morning Vietnam?)

[GottaHurt]

You finally got me ;) (WTF is Good Morning Vietnam?)

A movie.

[badassmtbiker]

You finally got me ;) (WTF is Good Morning Vietnam?)

Ouch.

[The_DEA]

I knew it! You're that lieutenant from Good Morning Vietnam. Nothing like a good polka.
a damn good 1 at that

[ron]

a damn good 1 at that
ROTFLMAO!

"I've never seen a white man in more desperate need of a blowjob."

[otepsoul]

A little Jewish boy teased badly in the school by his classmates declares at home:
- From now on I'm not a Jew any more. I'm a Russian.
The mother says:
- All Jews eat kosher meat today. And the goys [non-jews] eat beans!
The father:
- All Jewish children go to the school in my car. The goys go by foot.
His brothers/sisters:
- We go play together. You play by yourself.
He says bitterly:
- I'm a goy only one day, but, boy, do I hate you, Jews!

[otepsoul]

yeah.......

[otepsoul]

boring

[jamesp]

A little Jewish boy teased badly in the school by his classmates declares at home:
- From now on I'm not a Jew any more. I'm a Russian.
The mother says:
- All Jews eat kosher meat today. And the goys [non-jews] eat beans!
The father:
- All Jewish children go to the school in my car. The goys go by foot.
His brothers/sisters:
- We go play together. You play by yourself.
He says bitterly:
- I'm a goy only one day, but, boy, do I hate you, Jews!

HA...kinda funny.

[jamesp]

There was a married couple in their living room, watching television. Suddenly the guy gets the urge to give some hot oral love to his wife. "Hey, baby," he says, "How 'bout I take you to the bedroom and get naughty south of the border?"
"No..." she replies, "I'm having my period."

"I don't care let's do it anyway," said her amorous husband.

"Ewww... Yet, okay," she says, "But what if someone comes to the door?"

"I'll just tell them I was eating a jelly sandwich and that I'm a messy guy." She agrees.

So they go in the room and he's going to town and she's loving it when all of the sudden the doorbell rings. The guy looks up, and he decides to leave it. The door bell rings again, and a third time. The man finally gets up and goes to open the door and it's their mailman.

"I have a package for you," the mail carrier says looking at the guy in a weird way.

"Okay, I'll sign for it," replies the husband.

"What's the matter with your face?" The mail carrier boldly asks.

"I was eating a jelly sandwich," the guy replies.

The mail carrier then smiles and says... "Yeah? Well, just to let you know you've also got some peanut butter on your nose."

OMG! that is the funniest joke I've heard in about the last 30 seconds!

[jamesp]

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they\'re intelligent.

\"I do so by asking them the right questions,\" says the Queen. \"Allow me to demonstrate.\"

She phones Tony Blair and says, \"Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?\"

Tony Blair responds, \"It\'s me, ma\'am.\"

\"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,\" says the Queen. She hangs up and says, \"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?\"

\"Yes ma\'am. Thanks a lot. I\'ll definitely be using that!\"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he\'d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, \"Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.\"

\"Why, of course, sir. What\'s on your mind?\"

\"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?\"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, \"Can I think about it and get back to you?\" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

\"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?\" Powell answers immediately, \"It\'s me, of course, you dumb ass.\"

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, \"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It\'s Colin Powell!\" And Bush replies in disgust, \"Wrong, you dumb ass, It\'s Tony Blair!\"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Colin Powell was passing a portrait of George Washington in the White House one day, when the portrait came alive and asked \"Hey ******, get me a horse!\".

Powell quickly rushed to Condeleza Rice and told her what happened. Laughing, she nevertheless accompanied Powell to the portrait.

As nothing happened for a few minutes, they were turning away from the portrait, when the portrait came alive again and demanded \"Hey, ******s, where is my horse?\".

Both Rice and Powell rushed to George Bush, who, laughing, nevertheless accompanied them to the portrait.

When nothing happened for a few minutes, they were turning away from the portrait, when Washington once again came alive, threw up his hands and exclaimed \"Typical ******s, I ask for a horse and they bring me a jackass!\"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once upon a time Mr. Bush was too upset. He ran away from his home into a jungle and he saw a beautiful girl in the bushes. He ran towards her to catch her. When he caught her in his arms she punched him in his mouth and said \"I am already caught by bushes, no need for you idiot\".



--------------------------------------------------------------------------


As I',m sure you all have figured by now, I just LUUUUUUUUVE Bush...

stop fucking typing like that, it isnt some php code that you are typing jackass.

[GottaHurt]

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your
fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger. "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

[otepsoul]

i dont kno y i keep this thread alive.

[The_DEA]

i dont kno y i keep this thread alive.
because you do

[otepsoul]

because you do
most likey

[yowatupdogg]

what do u get when u mix a bulldog with a shitzue a bull shit



^that is a good movie





the french suck :mfinger:




-------------------------------------------
pain can be such a horrible thing

[Skwirl]

A Modest Proposal, anyone? Anyone?

I was thinking the same exact thing as soon as I read it! :thumbsup:

[yowatupdogg]

^wwowowoowowowowoowowowowowowowow o ;)

[otepsoul]

it still lives on.

[otepsoul]

ive seen the light one time or anthor ive seen the darkness of a blade many more times then i can count plz take me out of the darkness and let me soar in the light and be free of my worrys.

[Chris]

stop fucking typing like that, it isnt some php code that you are typing jackass.


Wtf? I'm just trying to separate the jokes...

[neckdemon]

two muslims who just immigrated to america make a bet that within a years time that them and their family will be more americanized than the other and his family. so a year goes by and they meet up to see who wins. the first one says "me and my family woke up today, went to mcdonald's for breakfast, played miniature golf, saw a horror movie, and went to a baseball game". the other guy says "fuck you sand ******".

why do ******s call white people honkies?
it's the last sound they hear before we run them over.

[Broken]

What a trip I was looking for this thread... Thanks man, but I forgot what the hell I was going to post.

[badassmtbiker]

two muslims who just immigrated to america make a bet that within a years time that them and their family will be more americanized than the other and his family. so a year goes by and they meet up to see who wins. the first one says "me and my family woke up today, went to mcdonald's for breakfast, played miniature golf, saw a horror movie, and went to a baseball game". the other guy says "fuck you sand ******".

why do ******s call white people honkies?
it's the last sound they hear before we run them over.

wow.

"sand ******?" I mean.. a joke is a joke, and I can hang -I'm just sayin...

[BRiT]

wow.

"sand ******?" I mean.. a joke is a joke, and I can hang -I'm just sayin...

cue to scene from the movie Three Kings (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120188/quotes)

[Conrad retrieved a map from an Iraqi's soldier's butt]
Sgt. Troy Barlow: Conrad, you've washed your hands like ten times.
Conrad Vig: Lord knows what kind of vermin live in the butt of a Dune Coon.
Chief Elgin: Why do you let this cracker hang around with you, man?
Sgt. Troy Barlow: He's all right, man. He's from a group home in Dallas. He's got no high school.
Conrad Vig: Don't tell people that.
Chief Elgin: I don't care if he's from Johannesburg. I don't want to hear Dune Coon or Sand ****** from him or anybody else.
Conrad Vig: Captain uses those terms.
Sgt. Troy Barlow: That's not the point, Conrad. The point is that Towel Head and Camel Jockey are perfectly good substitutes.
Chief Elgin: Exactly!

[gehtfuct]

Alot of these jokes in here ARE funny.
The babie joke's,come on.Im offended here.I am a four year old child.
I tell you what.Im lookin to kick some diapers.

[badassmtbiker]

Alot of these jokes in here ARE funny.
The babie joke's,come on.Im offended here.I am a four year old child.
I tell you what.Im lookin to kick some diapers.


LOL. Nice

[neckdemon]

wow.

"sand ******?" I mean.. a joke is a joke, and I can hang -I'm just sayin...

well it's not like i wrote the joke. just telling it like i heard it. besides what are you, an iraqi sympathizer?

[neckdemon]

here's one, i'll bet almost none of you morons will get it though.

who killed more indians than jonh wayne?
union carbide.

[deiki]

another one : How to make 4 bitches to sit on a chair ?




you simply turn the chair upside down

[Big E]

1) Why do ******s carry shit in their wallet? Identification
2) Why do ******s wear wide brimmed hats? So birds won't shit on their lips
3) How do you stop black kids from jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling
4) Why do ******s smell so bad? So blind people can hate them too
5) Why does Stevie Wonder smile all the time? He doesn't know he's black
6) Why can't Stevie Wonder read? He's black
7) How do you get a ****** down from a tree Cut the rope
8) How do you stop a ****** from hanging around in your front yard? Hang him in the back
9) What do you do when you see a ****** with one leg? Stop laughing and re-load
10) How many ******s does it take to pave a road? Depends on how you slice them
11) What's green and pink and purple and orange? A ****** dressed for church
12) What's the difference between a deer in the road and a ****** in the road? The deer has skid marks in front of it
13) What is wrong with 4 ******s going over a cliff in a cadilac? It seats 5
14) What do you say when you see your t.v. floating around at night? Drop it ******
15) Why are ******s so strong? T.V.'s are getting heavier
16) Why are ******s so fast? All slow ones are in jail
17) What do you call a ****** having sex? Rape
18) What happened to the ****** that had an abortion? Crime stoppers sent her a check for 500 dollars
19) What are 3 things you can't give a ******? A black eye, a fat lip, and a job
20) How do you stop a ****** from drowning? Take your foot off his head
21) What is the difference between batman and a black man? Batman can go out at night without robin
22) What's the definition of mass confusion? Father's Day in Harlem
23) Why shouldn't you hit a ****** riding a bike? Because the bike is probably yours
24) Why do white people go to black people's garage sales? To get their stuff back
25) What do black kids get for Christmas? Your bike
26) What is long and hard on a ******? First Grade
27) Why do Black People lean to the middle when they drive? They think the smells comin' from the outside
28) Where is the best place to hide a ******'s food stamps? Under his work boots.
29) Why do ******s have red eyes after having sex ? Because of the pepper spray
30) What's the difference between a ****** and a bike? When you put chains on a bike it doesn't start singing
31) How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? Ever try taking a rib from a ******?
32) What was missing from the million man march? An auctioneer
33) How long does it take a ****** to shit? Nine months
34) What do you call 100 ******s on the bottom of the sea? A good start
35) What does a smart ******, and Santa Clause have in common? they are both fictnoal
You want racsis

[YUCK FOU!!!]

u guys have sick minds, heres sumore jokes
what do you dowhen you see a ****** walkin down the street wit half a head?
stop laughing and reload. hhaha

[YUCK FOU!!!]

1) Why do ******s carry shit in their wallet? Identification
2) Why do ******s wear wide brimmed hats? So birds won't shit on their lips
3) How do you stop black kids from jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling
4) Why do ******s smell so bad? So blind people can hate them too
5) Why does Stevie Wonder smile all the time? He doesn't know he's black
6) Why can't Stevie Wonder read? He's black
7) How do you get a ****** down from a tree Cut the rope
8) How do you stop a ****** from hanging around in your front yard? Hang him in the back
9) What do you do when you see a ****** with one leg? Stop laughing and re-load
10) How many ******s does it take to pave a road? Depends on how you slice them
11) What's green and pink and purple and orange? A ****** dressed for church
12) What's the difference between a deer in the road and a ****** in the road? The deer has skid marks in front of it
13) What is wrong with 4 ******s going over a cliff in a cadilac? It seats 5
14) What do you say when you see your t.v. floating around at night? Drop it ******
15) Why are ******s so strong? T.V.'s are getting heavier
16) Why are ******s so fast? All slow ones are in jail
17) What do you call a ****** having sex? Rape
18) What happened to the ****** that had an abortion? Crime stoppers sent her a check for 500 dollars
19) What are 3 things you can't give a ******? A black eye, a fat lip, and a job
20) How do you stop a ****** from drowning? Take your foot off his head
21) What is the difference between batman and a black man? Batman can go out at night without robin
22) What's the definition of mass confusion? Father's Day in Harlem
23) Why shouldn't you hit a ****** riding a bike? Because the bike is probably yours
24) Why do white people go to black people's garage sales? To get their stuff back
25) What do black kids get for Christmas? Your bike
26) What is long and hard on a ******? First Grade
27) Why do Black People lean to the middle when they drive? They think the smells comin' from the outside
28) Where is the best place to hide a ******'s food stamps? Under his work boots.
29) Why do ******s have red eyes after having sex ? Because of the pepper spray
30) What's the difference between a ****** and a bike? When you put chains on a bike it doesn't start singing
31) How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? Ever try taking a rib from a ******?
32) What was missing from the million man march? An auctioneer
33) How long does it take a ****** to shit? Nine months
34) What do you call 100 ******s on the bottom of the sea? A good start
35) What does a smart ******, and Santa Clause have in common? they are both fictnoal
You want racsis
u screwed up sooo many of those jokes

[Big E]

I just copy and pasted them so it was the redneck who wrote it.

[gehtfuct]

Whats the differance between ignorance and apathy?

I dont know and I dont fucking care! :D .... :mfinger:

[Asi]

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it.
Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.

Beware of...

THE ALGORE Virus.... (Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting)

THE CLINTON Virus.... (Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)

THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus... (Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)

THE LEWINSKY virus... (Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did)

THE RONALD REAGAN virus.... (Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)

THE MIKE TYSON virus.... (Quits after two bytes)

THE OPRAH WINFREY virus.... (Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200mb)

THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus... (Deletes all old files)

THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus... (Disks can no longer be inserted)

THE PROZAC virus... (Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus... (Only attacks minor files)

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus... (Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)

THE LORENA BOBBITT virus... (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through window)

[Asi]

A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he accidentally knocked the spoon off to the aisle with his elbow.
The flight attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket and placed it on his tray table.
The man was very impressed by the promptness of the service and asked, "Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in their pockets?"


The flight attendant answered, "We had an efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He determined that 25% of the customers knock the spoon off their tray tables.
By carrying a spare spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be much more efficient."

Later, as the flight attendant is picking his dirty tray up, the customer asked, "Excuse me for asking but why do you have a string hanging from your fly?"

The flight attendant replied, "The efficiency expert determined that we were spending too much time washing our hands after we went to the bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to our penises."

The customer looked confused. "How does that help?" he asked.

"Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the string. Since I never touched myself I don't need to wash my hands."

The customer nodded and asked, "But how do you get it back in your pants?"

The flight attendant smiled, "I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

[Asi]

A lady walked into a tattooing shop to get some tattoos.
First, she instructed the man to put a turkey on her right thigh and write below it "Happy Thanksgiving".

So he did.

Next, she told him to tattoo Santa and "Merry Christmas" on her left thigh.
The man finished, wondering what the tattoos could possibly mean.

So as the lady was getting dressed.
He asked her "Mam, not to pry, but why did you want such unusual tattoos?"
The lady replied "I'm sick of my husband complaining that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!!"

[Asi]

Q: What happened to Jesus when he went to Mount Olive?
A: Popeye kicked the shit out of him...

[teh anarchist]

wow .. that's a helluva long thread and here's some more.

What is green and smells like pork??
Kermit the frogs middle finger

What does Micheal Jackson say is the best thing about having sex with twenty-eight-year-olds??
That there's twenty of them.

A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because of pieces of him are peeling and flaking off, and he’s very concerned about grossing out the other fans.?The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where his grotesque appearance won’t disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the man in the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there.?The man answers “Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game”. ?The leper sits down and adds “As you can see, I have leprosy. If it disturbs you, I will move”.
“It doesn’t bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game”.?A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits. Frothy beer, hot dogs and peanuts are splattered everywhere. Seeing this, the leper gets up and says “Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will find another place to sit”. “It’s NOT you. Just sit down, shut up and watch the game”.?So the leper sits back down. But during the sixth inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is projectile vomitus. A powerful blast of beer and pretzels shoots out from the man’s mouth and nose until his stomach is completely emptied.?Seeing this, the leper gets up and says “Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will find another place to sit”.?“Really it’s NOT you. Just sit down, shut up and watch the game”.?So the leper sits back down. But during the seventh inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is dry heaves, The leper feels absolutely awful at the sight of this man suffering. And once again, the leper offers to leave.?But the man insists “Really it’s NOT you”.?So the leper asks “Well if it’s not me that is making you so sick, then what is it?”?“It’s the guy behind you. He keeps dipping his nachos in your back”.

What's the definition of confusion??
20 blind lesbians in a fish market

Did you hear about the 3-car pile up??
50 Mexicans Died.

[otepsoul]

dude i thought this thread died.

[The_DEA]

n00bs bringin them back from the dead

[otepsoul]

cool i love this thread it is were i posted my first comment.

Q. how do you fit 100 jews in a car?

A. 2 in the front 3 in the back and 95 in the ash tray.

[Bigfoot]

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/misc8.jpg

[Broken]

cool i love this thread it is were i posted my first comment.


Dude, don't make me cry... all the perfume and poems are getting to the old hardball.

[Ctoit]

ASI -------- damn good jokes....thats what this thread is all about

[Halfpintrocker]

yes its about time anthor jew joke comes in besides my 100 jews joke.

want a jew joke well here you are:
Q. What is the difference between Jews and Pizza?
A. Pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven.

[Ctoit]

want a jew joke well here you are:
Q. What is the difference between Jews and Pizza?
A. Pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven.



Thats just plain fucked up

[chaz_schaeffer]

nice !! :mfinger:

[Bigfoot]

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I am always using my head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Response from Human Resources

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your assigned position before you have completed your work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!

1. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

2. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going
as ghosts but as mattresses?

3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

4. Is there another word for synonym?

5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"

6. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?

10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?

11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

12. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?

13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

16. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

19. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

[tharuz]

you fucking make me sick

[Bigfoot]

Whats wrong with you?

[bnccoder]

Three vampires walk into a bar the first one ordres a pint of blood. The bartender gives it to him and he drinks it down. The second vampire orders the same and the bartender serves him and he drinks it down. Then he looks at the third vampire and says "Let me guess a pint of blood?" The vampire shakes his head no and tells him he wants a pint of boiling water. The confuzed bartender grants the request and boils the water for him and puts it in a glass. The vampire then pulls out a used tampon and says "It's tea time."



A man walked into a bar and noticed a pickle jar filled with $20 dollar bills and thought to himself "There must be a thousand dollers in there." He then asked the bartender what the deal was with the tip jar. The bartender proceds to tell him "It's not a tip jar it's a contest. Whoever can do three things wins the cash." Instantly intreegued the man wants to know what the three things are. The bartender shook his head and said "Sorry you have to pay $20 dollars first." With that note the man returns to drinking. About half way through the night the man was half drunk and wanted to know what they were so he paid his money and the bartender said "OK first you've got to drink that whole bottle of teqilla sours without makeing a face." The man said "OK I think I can do that. Whats the second thing?" The bartender told him about his dog out back that was 12 years old and needed his tooth pulled but the anastetic might kill him and the job needed to be done by hand." A little shaken by the thought the man said he thought he could do that and asked about the third thing. The bartender leans in close and says "My old-lady is up-stairs. She is 83 and she has never had an orgasm. You've got to fuck her and give her an orgasm." Repulsed the man declined the offer and continued drinking. Close to the end of the night he asked the bartender as he slurred a little "Where is that bottle of tequilla sours?" The bartender handed it to him and he drank it down without makeing a face. He then asked where the dog was and the bartender pointed out back. The man stumbled out the door and sounds of barking and screaming filled the room then nothing but silence. About the time the people in the bar decided to check and see if the man was dead or not he came stumbleing back in and promptly asked the bartender "Now where is that old lady that needs her tooth pulled...."

[DIZNUTS]

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"

"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled, "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"

"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled, "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

[DIZNUTS]

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister., "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna., "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."

"What is it, child?"

"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."

The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin... it's simply a mistake."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man went to a whorehouse to get some practice performing oral sex on his wife. The woman at the front desk gave him a key and told him to go to room 319.

The man walked into the room and met the lady of the evening. He told her why he was there, so she gave him a few pointers and then told him to go for it.

So, the man began performing oral sex and he was, by her reaction, pretty good at it. But something strange happened. A couple of minutes into the deed, he felt something in his mouth. He spit it into his hand and found a piece of carrot.

"Oh man, that's nasty!" he thought, but he said nothing and continued.

A couple of minutes later, he came up with a pea.

"Damn, can't take much more of this. There's something wrong with this bitch." But again, he said nothing and gave it one more shot.

A couple of minutes later, he came up with a piece of chicken. He couldn't stand it any longer.

"I can't do this anymore! I'm gonna throw up!"

"That's funny," remarked the hooker, "that's what the last guy did."as you want. No strings attached...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of homosexual men are accidentally rear-ended by a large truck at a stop sign one afternoon.

Furious, the man in the passenger side throws his purse on the seat, steps out of the car, then walks back to the truck and starts banging on the door.

The truck driver opens the door and the homosexual, standing there with his hands on his hips, says, "We're gonna sue your ass!"

The truck driver smirks, says, "Blow me, buddy!"

The homosexual stands there for a moment thinking, then his eyes get really big and his face lights up. He runs back to the car and says excitedly to his lover, "You won't believe this... he wants to settle out of court!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Debbie went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck inside of her.

"To remove that vibrator," said the doctor, "I'm going to have to perform a very long and delicate operation."

"I don't think I can afford that" said Debbie., "Could you just replace the batteries?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they started the car for the long trip back into the city, Peter and Kate said their goodbyes to their good friend, Jeff.

"Thanks for putting us up for the weekend," said Peter., "The food was great, the booze and dope were superb, and I really enjoyed fucking your wife."

Shortly after hitting the road, Kate turned to her husband and said, "I hope you weren't serious about fucking his wife and enjoying it!"

"No, I wasn't serious," replied Peter, "she was lousy."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bob's father and friends were throwing him the best bachelor party ever. There were hookers giving blowjobs, "a la go-go", strippers as far as the eye could see, tons of food, great weed, and of course, some great porno flicks on a wide screen digital TV with THX surround sound.

Feeling the beer, Bob's dad stands up and hollers to get everyone's attention.

"I want to propose a toast to my son... Bob, I'm so glad I could be here with you on the happiest day of your life."

"But, Dad, I'm not getting married until tomorrow!"

Bob's dad continued and said, "Like I said, son, I'm so glad I could be here with you on the happiest day of your life."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anthony and Kathy were out in the cornfield happily fucking away. It had rained that morning and there was lots of mud on the ground, and they found themselves sliding around a bit in the mud.

"Honey, is my cock inside you or in the mud?" Anthony asked.

Kathy felt around and exclaimed, "It's in the mud!"

"Well, put it back inside you," he said.

A couple of minutes later, Anthony again asked, "Honey, is it inside you or in the mud?"

"It's inside me this time," Kathy cooed happily.

"Well, would you mind putting it back in the mud?"

[bnccoder]

Three guys, who were down on their luck and drifting from town to town,were walking down a road and came to the bigget farm they had ever seen. It had every type of fruit you could think of. They went up to the house and an old man anwsered the door. They asked him if they could spend the night and he said "OK but, if he caught any of them messing with my daughters I will kill you.". He has supper ready and asked them to come inside. Once there the three men saw three of the most beautiful laides they had ever seen. Later that night they could not resist the temptation and snuck in to see the girls. The next morning the farmer found them still there. He said to them "I told you if you messed with any of my daughters I was going to kill you." as he steadied the shotgun on them. "I've decided to give you a chance to live though. Go out and pick five of your favorite fruits and bring them back here." So the three men went out and the first one picked five cherrys and returned. The farmer said "OK if you can stick those up your ass you can live but don't tell any of your friends." The man thought "Well I get to live." and he did it. The second man came back with five plums and the farmer told him what he had to do. The man struggled but finally got all of them up his butt. After he was through he started laughing hystericly and the first man looked at him and said "What are you laughing at you just had to stick five plums up your butt." . The second man said "I know but Tyrone is picking watermellons.".