Quotes

[Chris]

I reallt don't wanna go through all those profiles just to find your fucking quotes, so post it here

[2BOrNot2B]

"Heaven won't have me, and Hell's afraid i'll take over" .. is quite a good one.. :cool:

[Chris]

Mine is: "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife..."
It's even better...

[Skorch]

My old one was "Evil, it pays the bills," but that was replaced by the current:
"Taking steroids is like pretending to be crippled in the special olympics" - Jimmy

[screw_you_jack]

"never get in a fight with an ugly person.... because they have nothing to lose...." - unknown

[2BOrNot2B]

"never get in a fight with an ugly person.... because they have nothing to lose...." - unknown
*harrharr*
what about this one:
"Two nuts on a wall - walnuts!"

[Skorch]

*harrharr*
what about this one:
"Two nuts on a wall - walnuts!"
That reminds me of a joke I heard a while back:
What dou you call two nuts on a wall?
Walnuts
What do you call two nuts on your chest?
Chestnuts
What do you call two nuts on your chin?
A blowjob

[Bigfoot]

Here is one for the ages "I was compleatly surrounded with one shot left and you know what i did... I DRANK IT!"

[Chris]

The wost one I've ever heard must be: "life is like a dick, when it gets hard, fuck it!"

[shep]

"he who goes to bed with itchie ass ,wakes up with stinkie finger"-confusious

[Captain 151]

other confucious moments:

"man who stand on toilet, high on pot"
"man who stick dick in jar of peanut butter, is fucking nuts."

[shep]

"man walking through airport door sideways going to bangkok"

[Captain 151]

lmao, havnt heard that one before

[badassmtbiker]

"man walking through airport door sideways going to bangkok"

Man with hole in pocket surely will feel nuts

[shep]

Man with hole in pocket surely will feel nuts

"man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day"

[Broken]

lol

[shep]

"man who finger woman on period get caught red handed" -jun hung loa

[shep]

"Virginity like balloon--one prick, all gone"

[BUSHSUCKSBALLS]

Life is good but sex is great - bumper sticker

[shep]

"why do it today when you can put it off till tommorow"-me

[Chris]

This one is a good one "
Roses are red, violets are corny, when I think of you oooh baby I get horny. Eat me, beat me, bite me, blow me, suck me, fuck me very slowly, if you kiss me don\'t be sassy, use your tounge and make it nasty! If guys had their periods they would compare to the size of their tampons. Holy mother full of grace, bless my boyfriends gorgeous face, bless his hair that tends to curl, keep him safe from all the girls, bless his arms that are so strong, keep his hands where they belong, bless his dick... the one I sucked, bless the bed in which we fucked, and if my mom happens to walk in bless the shit that I\'d be in. Sex is a bad, sex is a sin, sins are forgiven, so stick it in. "

[*AlmightySpoon*]

"Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everybody sees it but only you feel the warmth"

[Chris]

That one is actually true, wierd, but true.


Anyway, look at this one *Cover your stump before you hump.

*Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

*Don\'t be silly, protect your willy.

*When in doubt, shroud your spout.

*Don\'t be a loner, cover your boner.

*It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.

*She won\'t get sick, if you wrap your dick.

*If you really love her, wear a cover.

*Don\'t make a mistake! Muzzle your snake.

*Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener


--------------------------------------------------------------------------


I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh, my God, what can I do?
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad -- can you tell?
My body\'s drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my ass


--------------------------------------------------------------------------


Behind every good dick theres always a better condom.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------



It's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on!

[Bigfoot]

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who runs in front of bus gets tired.
Man who runs behind bus gets exausted.
If you cant duct it fuck it.

[Chris]

"YOU! You killed my errection!!!!" "No, I am your errection!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

[Chris]

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that\'s more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

A pig\'s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death.

(Creepy.)

(I\'m still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male\'s head off.

(\"Honey, I\'m home. What the....?!\")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It\'s like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.

(If you\'re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat\'s urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich\'s eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they\'ll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

[Ctoit]

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male\'s head off.

(\"Honey, I\'m home. What the....?!\")




That how I like to start....... :cool:

[Chris]

hehe

[Ctoit]

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)



Nice.......who needs a workout?

[GottaHurt]

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm........)



Nice.......who needs a workout?

Alright, a perpetually horny woman, let me introduce myself...

[Ctoit]

C'mon the tongue workout.........just to easy, how could I not comment?

[GottaHurt]

C'mon the tongue workout.........just to easy, how could I not comment?

Because your mouth was full? ;) :tongue: ;)

[Ctoit]

Because your mouth was full? ;) :tongue: ;)


Luckily for me.......its just typing and I too can MULTITASK

[GottaHurt]

Luckily for me.......its just typing and I too can MULTITASK

God you turn me on when you talk like that...

[ron]

An thou do no harm, do as thou wilt; and that shall be the whole of the law.

Not exactly original, but it works.

[Ctoit]

Here's one I was always fond of:

No matter how good she looks, Someone, Somewhere is sick of her shit!

[badassmtbiker]

Here's one I was always fond of:

No matter how good she looks, Someone, Somewhere is sick of her shit!

OMG that's good.

[Ctoit]

OMG that's good.



thank you..........now if all you damn superficial guys would just remember that

[badassmtbiker]

thank you..........now if all you damn superficial guys would just remember that

What about.. now matter how ugly she is - someone's drunk enough to fuck her


hmmm.. doesn't have the same ring.

[Ctoit]

What about.. now matter how ugly she is - someone's drunk enough to fuck her


hmmm.. doesn't have the same ring.




Yea its just not the same..........although just as true......



Ever notice how that works for the chics.......but if the guy is damn ugly...he's still not getting laid.

[badassmtbiker]

Yea its just not the same..........although just as true......



Ever notice how that works for the chics.......but if the guy is damn ugly...he's still not getting laid.

There's always prostitutes. Or chics that have lost bets. LOL

[Ctoit]

Kinda like your guy's wingman theory........

Women have "wingmen" as well..........thier called HOE's (yea you know her, hangs out with the good looking chics....fucks anything that offers).......go ahead guys

[badassmtbiker]

Kinda like your guy's wingman theory........

Women have "wingmen" as well..........thier called HOE's (yea you know her, hangs out with the good looking chics....fucks anything that offers).......go ahead guys

Ahh yes... many a wingman has nailed a hoe whilst his wingman scores with the hottie in a mating ritual known as taking one for the team. However, should a wingman constantly take the hottie, thus constantly leaving his wingman the hoe - he will then become known as a cock blocker.

[Ctoit]

Ahh yes... many a wingman has nailed a hoe whilst his wingman scores with the hottie in a mating ritual known as taking one for the team. However, should a wingman constantly take the hottie, thus constantly leaving his wingman the hoe - he will then become known as a cock blocker.



That almost seemed official........."did ya get it out of a how to be a guy book?"

[badassmtbiker]

That almost seemed official........."did ya get it out of a how to be a guy book?"


don't worry 'bout it.

[GSaviour]

to you it's a 6 pack, but to me it's a support group

[badassmtbiker]

"Oh you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." ~ Drew Carey

[Raiden_this_sux]

"Oh you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." ~ Drew Carey

Hey, thats right, i go to that... (amazing...)

[ron]

"Oh you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." ~ Drew Carey
Drew Carey Kicks ass!

[ron]

What about.. now matter how ugly she is - someone's drunk enough to fuck her
I knew that guy in the Army.

[badassmtbiker]

I knew that guy in the Army.

LOL who didn't?

[badassmtbiker]

Drew Carey Kicks ass!

fuck yea... he's the man

[Raiden_this_sux]

I guess ill make a quote

one thing "I like pie" :mfinger: :mfinger:

[ron]

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.

[badassmtbiker]

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.

LOL

[The_DEA]

i could use a couple of hours

[ron]

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling that thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal
safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
--John Stuart Mill

[badassmtbiker]

"A nation that despises its soldiers will all too soon have a despicable army."
Jerry Pournelle

[ron]

"A nation that despises its soldiers will all too soon have a despicable army."
Jerry Pournelle
Excellent! Pournelle rocks!

[Chris]

Behind every good dick is a better condom

[badassmtbiker]

Excellent! Pournelle rocks!

Word. He's the shit

[badassmtbiker]

"We sleep soundly in our beds at night because rough men stand ready to do violence on our behalf."

Winston Churchill

[GottaHurt]

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her"

[GottaHurt]

"She fights and vanquishes in me, and I live and breathe in her, and I have life and being."

[ron]

Never let facts get in the way of the truth.

[badassmtbiker]

"When I was a boy I thought and acted as a child. When I became a man, I took that child out back and had him shot."

"Don't confuse me with the facts."

"When I got cut from the football team my mother said that Central High may have lost a running back, but the McNeil family had gained a daughter."

All by Bill McNeil (Phil Hartman) from NewsRadio. RIP Phil

[Unforgiven]

Got that in an email a while back. it's awsome.

30 minutes. Lucky pigs

[Ender]

Excellent! Pournelle rocks!

yah pournells a great author :)

[screw_you_jack]

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

"I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can
take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
root, and still be afraid of a spider." - my good friend Da$uper$tar...... but who said it before her, no one knows...lol ;)
kidding girly, still love ya

[kir-]

<Silent-> mine's longer!
<Silent-> the answer i mean...
<Sandler> mines cooler *1337*
<theGreenBunny> mine's bigger
<Sandler> mine's wider
<Silent-> mine's wider

(Lockdown) so basicly-we're fucked,but not ALL the way up the ass...
(Silent`-) dude, you gotta lay off the gay porn

<Sandler> i hate when i have pressure in my dick
<Punzz> .........
<Silent-> ....
<DeusEx2> .....
<DiSTuRbEdofX> I hate when you talk about it.

(22:45:24) (@X|sandler) i have a cool story
(22:45:34) (@X|sandler) when i was very young
(22:45:44) (@X|sandler) like 4 years old or 5 years old
(22:45:57) (@X|sandler) i was running like ann asshole in my room
(22:46:02) (@X|sandler) or was it the living room..
(22:46:05) (@X|sandler) anyway
(22:46:25) (@X|sandler) so suddenly a poo came out and fell in my pants
(22:46:34) (@X|sandler) so all the leg was dirty
(22:46:36) (@X|sandler) :[
(22:46:43) (@X|sandler) i was NIGGER LEG
(22:46:54) (@X|sandler) and it smelled like an ass
(22:46:57) (@X|sandler) :[
(22:47:05) (@X|sandler) then it fell on the floor

[shep]

ok then :mfinger:

[WhatIf]

"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun."
-George W Bush

"The rumour that computer games have an
adverse affect on children is just plain nuts.
If Pacman ever affected us as kids
we'd all be running around in a darkened room
munching strange pills and listening
to repetitive music."
-Kristian Wilson of Nintendo, Inc. in 1989

I know i know everyone has already heard these and they suck anyway. I don't care :mfinger: :mfinger:

[Killerlamb]

"To be a rock and not to roll"

[Raiden_this_sux]

"To be a rock and not to roll"
yes yes, the average queer quote.....wait, is that engrish?

[Killerlamb]

yes yes, the average queer quote.....wait, is that engrish?
That's fucking Led Zeppelin, Fucking Queer... :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger:

[get it together]

"It doesn't think, it doesn't feel, it doesn't laugh or cry, all it does from dusk 'till dawn is make the soldiers die"

[Broken]

That's fucking Led Zeppelin, Fucking Queer... :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger:

oh Nevermind!

[Chris]

ok, peeps, let's get this thread back into action

[MrNewbie]

"The wife belong in the kitchen"

[Apoplectic]

Save gas - fart in a jar.

[Apoplectic]

Life is a terminal STD.

[anti-movielife]

When people search for "Life Quotes" they are often looking for quotes about life. Why do the major search engines only give them hundreds of pages of commercial garbage about Life Insurance Quotes?
--Bill Austin <---who the fuck is he?