Puntification Time!

[Tostig]

Make a pun. A good one, a bad one, it doesn't matter.

for those that don't know:

pun (phttp://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/graphics/AHD4/GIF/ubreve.gifn)
n. A play on words, sometimes on different senses of the same word and sometimes on the similar sense or sound of different words.


For example, and the first one:

The feeling of unease you get before a tornado is the qualm before the storm.


edit: the can be longer ones too, such as:

Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.

Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,

"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".

[Margrette]

If you were to get down on the track at a NASCAR race, you would have a lot of Fords and Chevy's to "Dodge"

A russian guy named Rudolph tells his wife its going to rain one day. She asks how he knows...He says....

/me clears throat...you ready for this ???

"Ruldoph the Red knows rain, dear." :redface:

[Tostig]

One bus driver, on the final leg of his journey and tired from his long day, is trying to get to the garage to stow his bus and go home for the evening.

At one stop, he picks up these two well-muscled red-headed boys wearing "kiss me, i'm irish" t-shirts. These boys immediately go to the back of the bus and begin to argue and hit each other.

"just let it go, you're almost done," the bus driver thought to himself.

At the next stop, a woman gets on with her mentally handicapped son. "This is Ross," she tells the driver, "please make sure he gets off at 4th and Elm." She then gets off the buss, Leaving Ross sitting behind the driver, where he immediately starts kicking the back of the driver's seat.

"just let it go, you're almost done," the driver thought again

At the next stop, a portly man climbs aboard and, with a greasy grin, hands the driver his card as he pays his fare. The card reads, "Leonard Heeves, Used Car Bonanza" Leonard takes the seat across from little Ross and takes off his shoes, rubbing his feet and poking the giant swellings on his toes.

"just let it go, you're almost done," the driver repeated yet again.

At the next stop, 50 young school children come aboard with their teacher. They file into the seats quietly, much to the relief of the driver. As soon as the bus starts moving, the children burst forth into songs gleaned from PBS childrens shows.

"you can do it, old man, you're almost done," the driver though. For the next 10 miles, he listened to the cacophony behind him until finally, at the last stop everyone gets off the bus.

The driver takes the bus to the garage, parks it, climbs out and immediately runs into the bathroom. His manager finds him there, 10 minutse later, sobbing in the corner.

"What's wrong?" asks the manage.

All the driver could say was...

"Two all beef patties, Special Ross, Leanord Heeves picking bunyons on a Sesame Street bus!"

[Margrette]

A string walks into a bar. The bartender kicks him out and tells him that they dont' serve his type there. He sits out front for a few minutes...then jumps up ties himself into a knot and messes his ends up.

He walks back into the bar, the bartender says "Hey aint you that string I just tossed out of here ?"

The string says "NO, I'm afraid not."



edit: I have tried to rep you 3 times in the last few days...keeps telling me to spread it around. I have repped others with no problems, but it still won't let me hit you up. BAH !!! :mad:

[Caffeinated]

There was a man who entered the local newspaper's pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns, in the hopes that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a man who refused to wear shoes, so his feet became hard and tough. This man fasted for long periods, and even when not fasting, refused to eat meat. Both the fasting and the diet gave the man bad breath, and caused him to be lean with a slight build.

He ended up being a super callous fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

[_allismine_]

Two seprate hunters went out into the forest at the same time. They both cornered a puma, and shot it. Not knowing who's bullet actually killed the puma, they decided to split the cat in half and take their respective parts home. Hunter one got a nice still of a fierce puma head, and it's front arms and paws.

Hunter two thought his was a catastrophe (Cat - ass - trophy).

----------------------

Once upon a time, a mechanic had a dog named Mace. Mace loved to run out in the backyard and eat all of the grass. Seeing as it made her sick, her mechanic owner locked her inside the house, letting the grass grow.
A few weeks later, the mechanic lost his fav. wrench in the now, jungle of a backyard. That night, Mace went crazy, broke the back door screen, and ate all the grass.
The next morning, the mechanic went to the backyard, to see his wrench lying right there on the ground, next to a happy Mace.
The mechanic beamed at his dog, and said:
"Oh, grazing Mace,
How sweet the hound,
That saved a wrench for me."