Woodreaux
03-01-2005, 08:02 PM
Alright, fellas. FuckYou has been gracious enough to create a poll about how often we partake of our favorite hobby, but what about the name of this pasttime. Post your favorite nicknames for masturbation. I'll set it off:
Tug-o-War with Cyclops
Roughing Up the Suspect
Shining the Helmet
Polishing the Wand
Spending Quality Time with Yourself
VenomHowell
03-01-2005, 08:06 PM
To quote my boyfriend, quoting his straight friend:
Tea-time.
Nicely inconspicuous, that name is. Good for AIM away messages.
Easty
03-01-2005, 08:23 PM
Spankin the monkey
A-wing-a-wep
Slingin' yogurt
Checkin for cancer
Strokin the salami
Jerkin the gerkin
Polishin the pecker
Shinin the sword
el crotcho
03-01-2005, 08:30 PM
-putting the weasel in the bag
-beating a bludger
-taming the dragon
-licking the lizard
-deploying the men
-palm piloting
-the firing squad
-shaving the wood
-turning the crank
-crankin' it
-wankin' it
-spankin' it
TheLampIncident
03-01-2005, 09:10 PM
Pulling the pud.
I like that one because it was in a couple Primus songs...
Captain 151
03-01-2005, 11:33 PM
beat the meat
sending out the troops
peeling the banana
massaging the one eyed trouser snake
BrIONwoshMunky
03-02-2005, 12:18 AM
Cho... Chok.... Choking the chicken...
Is "Choking the chicken" one of them Ms. Davis?
bnccoder
03-02-2005, 12:40 AM
flogging the log
waxing the car
giving mini me a bath
keeping kids off the streats
bnccoder
03-02-2005, 01:14 AM
Payin' the income tax.
Hell Ya!! Fuck those bastards!! (Looks around nervously.)
bnccoder
03-02-2005, 02:06 AM
Milking the mammoth.
Giving the capitan his massage.
Playing with your action figure.
Going to see Mary palm and her friends.
Test fireing the weapon.
Supporting abstance.
Helping to support working mothers. (at a titty bar)
Churning the cream.
BrIONwoshMunky
03-02-2005, 03:29 AM
I'm on a date with Jill.
Polishing the Bishop.
Rubbin the Rook.
Pumpin the Pawn.
Flogging the Knight.
Gettin Kinky with the King.
Molesting the mushroom.
Easty
03-02-2005, 10:47 AM
Training the wang
Swigiddy swah
MB the Wee-wee
Bibas
03-02-2005, 11:14 AM
It's known here, mainly as :
Beatin' the horse.
Don't ask me why, 'cause i don't have a damn clue...
MUFFDIVER
03-02-2005, 11:21 AM
What about beatin your dick like it owes you money???
Unleashing SGT salami
Tone the bone
Peter piper the 6" schlong
bring your kid to work day :thumbsup:
Woodreaux
03-02-2005, 11:31 AM
Kickass! Yall keep'm coming. He's a few more from the archive:
Interrogating Lee Harvey Oswald
Dishonorable Discharge
Staff Meeting
Shaking Hands with the Purple Headed Warrior from Rome
X-off
beating off
jacking off
jerking off
tossing off
MaxPower
03-02-2005, 05:09 PM
Sending a boy to the Academy
Shucking the corn
Target practice with the yogurt gun
Beating Bob and the twins
The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver (a play on Choking the chicken)
Zygote spraying
Beating the fuck out of your best friend
Getting a date with Slick Mittens
Gettin' jizzy with it
Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
Basting the ham
Batting practice
Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
BrIONwoshMunky
03-09-2005, 01:57 AM
to grease the rod,
to squash the bug,
to shake hands with your penis,
to squeeze the eclair,
to fuck oneself,
to awaken the slumbering giant,
to flick the dick,
to practice ju-dick-su,
to train oneself in kung-penis,
to play one's oboe,
to rob the sperm bank,
as well as take out a loan from one's sperm bank,
to make your elephant laugh so hard that he squirts milk through his trunk,
to shoot the shit,
to cockadoodledoo,
to make your worm sneeze,
to visit the fountain of youth,
to take a trip to Mexico with only one pair of underwear,
to spray the butter,
to spray the Cool-Whip,
to get your "smack" on,
to pump the hydrant,
to evacuate one's testicles,
to question the Mauve Avenger,
to do the math,
to calculate pi,
to pleasure oneself manually,
to practice stick-shift,
to open the stairway to heaven,
to save the whale,
to squirt the mayonnaise,
to attempt to reach orgasm in solitude (although not always),
to climb/hike up pleasure mountain,to slap the Puerto Rican,
to pour the salad dressing,
to give an angel its wing,
bashing the candle,
Bleeding the weasel,
bleedin the weed,
buffing the banana,
bopping the baloney,
burping the worm,
choking the chicken,
cleaning your rifle,
corking the bat,
cranking the shank,
cuffing the carrot,
fisting your mister,
flogging your dog,
floggin the frog,
flogging the hog,
flogging the log,
flute solo,
jerkin' the gherkin,
looping the mule,
manual override,
painting the pickle,
pocket pinball,
pocket pool,
polishing the banister,
polishing the rocket,
pounding your flounder
pumping the python,
roping the pony,
spanking the monkey,
teasing the weasel,
tossing the turkey,
walking the dog,
whipping the willy,
wonking your cronker,
yanking the crank
To jerk off,
to jack off
to whack off,
to beat off,
to crank on out,
to thrash,
to choke the (Chinese) chicken,
to pinch the one-eyed snake,
to slap the salami,
to spank the dolphin,
to flog the dolphin,
to pull the pork,
to polish one's gun,
to shine the silver,
to beat the bishop,
to smack little johnny behind his German helmet and purple bulbous ear,
to do the five knuckle shuffle,
to make love with oneself,
to beat around the bush,
to flick the sausage,
to punch the purple ninja,
to juice the snake,
to peel the banana,
to milk the cow,
to squeeze the purple-headed yogurt-slinger,
to slap the monkey,
to tame the dragon,
to play pocket pool,
to go bowling by oneself,
to hit a homerun in the homefield, and yet, to strike out,
to whittle the woodblock,
to shimmy up and down the pole of love,
to initiate the Saturn V,
to turn on the sprinklers, to turn on one's love hose,
to punch the clown in the nose,
to tweek the deek,
to hit the dick,
to tallywhack,
to soil the Kleenex,
to smother the hanky
to increase the surface temperature of your ship's main cannon with rapid linear motion
tootin' your horn,
fighting the purple helmet warrior
commiting spermicide,
taking your turn at the self-serve station,
fishing with your zipper trout,
beating the shit out of your midget friend,
makin' mayo,
polishing the family jewels,
test-firing the old meat missle,
Woodreaux
03-09-2005, 02:03 AM
UnFUCKingbelievable! Awsome. The Pope is truly a holy man!
lilwyteboy
03-09-2005, 09:06 AM
That was the longest list of synonyms I have ever seen. I am truly amazed and in awe. :thumbsup:
Icarus
03-09-2005, 07:23 PM
I was reading a book on civil rights in Europe during the 1800-1900's for a school project, and there was a whole chapter on masturbation. I don't know why.
Anyways, it listed a few names for masturbation... unfortunately I don't remember any of them.
What I do remember is that there were a number of "masturbation restraint devices". These included a corset with a metallic nad guard, a "toothed urethral ring" (a spiked thing fitting around your shaft), and a "masturbatorial alarm".
:thumbsdn:
edub1371
03-09-2005, 10:31 PM
rubbing one out
obc graduation(for you military types)
slap boxing the one eyed champ
Descent
03-10-2005, 06:43 PM
Torque the Pork (Just made that one up).
el crotcho
03-11-2005, 09:05 AM
LONG LIVE THE POPE!!!
that is fucking incredible, and puts all mine to shame, i bow to you, oh holy one
keebs
03-11-2005, 10:58 PM
a date with Rosie palm and her 5 sisters
spending time with Miss. Michigan
Awaken
03-12-2005, 04:46 AM
Well, my friend and I call it "working out" for some reason... It started in our PE class last year.
Icarus
03-12-2005, 05:27 AM
Making Kool-Aid :thumbsup:
bigck3000
03-12-2005, 11:09 AM
spankin the hog
whacking a load
*this just in*
Seeing paul newman about some acting lessons......(cool hand luke...get it?)
i'm sure some of you old heads could come up with some better "Cool Hand Luke" synonyms...I just dont care that much.
billybob13
03-20-2005, 07:42 PM
playing pirate with one-eyed willy