Woman Jokes

[Hellbreather]

Does anyone know any woman jokes. GOOD ONES
not these stupid

"Why dont woman go sking? because theres no slopes from the bedroom to the kitchen"

I need some good ones to get back at my mate, because she's been slagging me and men off. And all my mates come up with really dumb jokes

[vicodincasserole]

women do go skiiing though? :confused:

[Brain Spout]

what do you tell a girl with two black eyes?
nothing you didnt allready tell her twice


what do you do when your dish washer breaks?
find a new woman

[DIZNUTS]

what do you tell a girl with two black eyes?
nothing you didnt allready tell her twice


what do you do when your dish washer breaks?
find a new woman
hehehehehehe

[PatticusRex]

How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
None. It should be open by the time she brings it.


Why did the woman cross the road?
Nevermind that, why is she out of the damn kitchen?


Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink.

[FUBAR]

why do women wear white on their wedding day?
matches everything else in the kitchen

why is there a window in the kitchen?
so the bitch knows when to cut the grass

why dont women need watches?
theres a clock on the stove

[MaxPower]

What do you call a blond with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. She's already been told twice.

[swizeguy]

What do you call a blond with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. She's already been told twice.

haha nice

[el crotcho]

a woman joke huh?

womens rights

DIFFERENT PUNCHLINE I SWEAR
what do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
slap the bitch

What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
a blowjob with handles

[el crotcho]

Does anyone know any woman jokes. GOOD ONES
not these stupid

"Why dont woman go sking? because theres no slopes from the bedroom to the kitchen"

I need some good ones to get back at my mate, because she's been slagging me and men off. And all my mates come up with really dumb jokes
if you wanna get back at her, next time she's givin you head pull out and shoot her in the eye :thumbsup:

[MaxPower]

if you wanna get back at her, next time she's givin you head pull out and shoot her in the eye :thumbsup:
I anticipate the impending onset, of a barage of Dirty Sanchez & Donkey Punch comments.

Thank you elburko8 for being a trend setter.

[DIZNUTS]

if you wanna get back at her, next time she's givin you head pull out and shoot her in the eye :thumbsup:
hey thats my move :mfinger:

dont believe me???? read "dont cum in the mouth"

[DIZNUTS]

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes silence.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.

[DIZNUTS]

Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnent? She blew them both.

cant find any more right now :frown:

[DIZNUTS]

one more one more

What's the difference between a Woman and a Fridge?

A Fridge doesn't drip when you take out your meat!

[MaxPower]

Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?

Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.

[shep75]

Does anyone know any woman jokes. GOOD ONES
not these stupid

"Why dont woman go sking? because theres no slopes from the bedroom to the kitchen"

I need some good ones to get back at my mate, because she's been slagging me and men off. And all my mates come up with really dumb jokes


what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
nothing. you already told her twice.

[Cutter]

Shep75 you read the 2nd post?

[Hicts]

what is a woman with two black eyes and a bleeding nose?
a woman who learned her lesson.

[Dave666]

What is a woman doing when she is staring at a blank piece of paper?

Reading Her Rights

A man is walking down a beach, and accidentally kicks a bottle out of the sand. He opens the bottle, and a genie appears. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one." The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because airplanes are much too frightening for me and boats make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I can't do it. Imagine all the work involved. All the piling to hold up the highway needed and all the pavement. Ask for something else." "Well," the man said. "I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick." The genie considered this for a couple of minutes and said, "So, do you want that road two lanes or four?"

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone

[shep75]

Does anyone know any woman jokes. GOOD ONES
not these stupid

"Why dont woman go sking? because theres no slopes from the bedroom to the kitchen"

I need some good ones to get back at my mate, because she's been slagging me and men off. And all my mates come up with really dumb jokes

did you hear about tempura house?
a new halfway house for lightly battered women.

[Easty]

how do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?

hand her a shovel

[Brain Spout]

this isnt neccesarily a woman joke, but i still thought it was funny enough to post here while we were telling jokes

so this guy is at home on a saturday night and he really wants to go to the bar so he says to his newly wed wife
"hey honey im going to go to the bar okay"
"but why"
"well, i really need a beer and they have beer at the bar"
the wife goes to the fridge gets out a beer and hands it to him saying we have beer here
"but honey at the bar they have so many different kinds of beer and here we only have x brand"
the wife goes back to the fridge and opens it to show the husband that in the fridge are many different types of beer
"yes, but honey they have those nice frosted mugs at the bar"
the wife gingerly goes to the freezer and pulls out one of those mugs
"yes, but honey at the bar they have those little pretzels and nuts"
the wife goes and gets a small bowl and pours some of them into it and puts it onto the table
"yes, but honey at the bar there are guys there and we have you know guy talk"
the wife replies in an all lovey sweet voice "do you want guy talk honey, is that why you want to go to the bar?"
the husband finally thinking he is in the clear to go to the bar replies "yes honey"
the wife then replies "well then... sit the fuck down, drink your fucking bear in your frosted mug and shut the fuck up, cause you sure as hell ain't going ot the bar"
husband - :confuse:

[Brain Spout]

i just remembered this one, its kind of long like the last one i posted, but still pretty funny in my opinion

allright so the CIA is looking for spies because they are short on them. so they get a lot of people interested and after intense training they narrow it down to three. 2 guys, and 1 woman. anyway they cant really decide so they give them one last test.

first up is a guy they tell him here is a gun, you must go into that room and shoot whoever is in it. he opens the door and sees to is surprise his wife. he turns around and tells them that he cant kill his wife and walks away.

next up is the second guy he goes into the room and after 5 minutes walks out saying that he cant kill his wife.

finally is the woman. they hand her the gun and she goes in the room. several seconds later they hear a series of gunshots, thuds, and screams. after a couple minutes the woman comes out with blood on her and her hair in a mess. she says "this gun was loaded with blanks, so i had to beat him to death"

CIA guys - :confused:

[chucktheskiffie]

When your wife comes and yells at you in the living room, what have you done wrong?

Made the chain in the kitchen too long...

[Zoso]

what do fat women and mini-bikes have in common?


you only ride them at night so yur freinds dont make fun of you...

[FUBAR]

what do you do if your wife is crawling up the driveway?
shoot her again

[mmm...cheese]

A woman walks into a store and sees a shiny yellow thing.
She asks the store manager what it is
He responds, "Why that's a thermos."
She says, "What's it do?"
He says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
She says, "Okay, I'll buy one."
The next day a woman walks into her office and asks, "Whats that."
She says, "Why that's a thermos."
Other woman says, "Well what's it do?"
Woman #1 says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Woman #2 says, "Well what do you have in it?"
Woman #1 says, "Two popsicles and a cup of coffee."

Sorry about the repititions, but it's still hella funny. . . right?

[Zickddot]

Why arent the only two proffesions women can learn in WoW:cooking and tailoring

because blizzard employees never had a girlfriend.

[el crotcho]

theres two blondes, a blonde cop and a blonde traffic violator
so the blonde cop asks for the other blondes liscense
so the blonde traffic violator asks what it looks like
then the blonde cop says its kinda sqare with your picture on it
so the blonde traffic violator pulls a mirror out of her purse and hand hands it to the cop. the cop looks at it and says oh im sorry i didnt know that you were a police officer you can go

[Brain Spout]

on an airplane flight there is a lot of turbulence and feeling that she may die a woman stands up and says
"i want my last moments to memorable. is there anyone on this plane that can make me feel like a woman?"

it just so happens that on the plane was a cowboy. he took off his shirt to reveal a muscle ripped chest. he approached the woman and said
"here, iron this, and then get me a beer"

[Boycott]

Why are girls most like Alkali Metals?
Get them wet and they go off ;)

[Brain Spout]

Why are girls most like Alkali Metals?
Get them wet and they go off ;)

i actually got that one. :thumbsup:

[bnccoder]

Thank God, intelegence, my search here is finished.

[Brain Spout]

Thank God, intelegence, my search here is finished.

did you spell *intelligence wrong on purpose to make a joke or is this one of those extremely embarrasing moments for you and extremely funny moments for me?

[bnccoder]

did you spell *intelligence wrong on purpose to make a joke or is this one of those extremely embarrasing moments for you and extremely funny moments for me?

On purpose, I was wondering how long it would take someone to find it. You earned you brownie points for the day.

[Brain Spout]

one day the toilet broke so the wife approaches the husband and says "honey our toilet is broken could you fix it please?"

he replied "no, what do i look like the tidy-bowl man."

about a week later the garbage disposal broke and the sink got backed up. the wife once again approached the husband abou it.

he said "what do i look like mr. plumber" so he went watched tv again.

about a week later the washing machine broke down and again she asked her husband to repair it.

he said "what od i look like the maytag repairman" again he sat down on the sofa and watched tv

the wife was just about fed up so she called in 3 repairmen to fix the various problems. when her husband got home she said "i had three repairmen in to fix the toilet, garbage disposal, and washing machine"

Husband: oh great how much is that going to cost me?
Wife: it was free, they said that all i had to do was bake them a cake or have sex with them.
Husband: well what kind of cake did you bake them?
wife: what do i look like betty crocker

[Brain Spout]

a man is walking home with a case of beer under his arm. his neighbor looks over and says:
"hey what did you get all that beer for"

the man replies "i got it for my wife"

the neighbor replies "good deal"

[jamesp]

what do 5,000 battered women have in common?

they don't fucking listen!

[badassmtbiker]

Q: why'd the woman cross the road?
A: Forget that - what's she doing outta the kitchen, and where'd she find those fuckin shoes?

_________________________________ ______
A girl walks into a Supermarket and buys
1 Bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving of a frozen dinner

Guy at the checkout stand checks her out and
says "Single, are you?"

the girl flutters her eyelashes, smiles and
replies.."How did you
guess?"

He repiles, "Because you're fucking ugly".

________________________________

Q:How many men does it take to change a kitchen lightbulb?
A: None. Let the bitch cook in the dark

[Magic Hobo]

Why do women have boobs?

So you have something to fuck while in the middle of a conversation.

ROFLOMFGWTFLMAOPWNAGEBBQSAUCE

But seriously...


bite my dick.

[pimpyobitch]

These jokes got a woman to get very mad at me. Hahaha, oh well. Here's my post just to see.. http://forums.wtf.com/showthread.php?t=9315 btw the jokes are staying :tongue: