how can they treat me like this????

[josiegrossie]

:bawling: my parents are such idiots!! i am nearly 19 years old, and about to graduate from the community college. i tried to move out about 3 months ago, at which time they cried and boo hooed about how they would miss me and how we could just spend more time together and everything would be great if i stayed. so i felt sorry for them and i did. but now that i'm wanting to spend time with my friends, they're flipping out! they put this big guilt trip on me all the time about how i don't spend any time with them, and then when i do, they fuss at me about how many times i wasn't there. then i don't feel like spending time with them at all, and then i feel guilty for feeling that way. it sucks ass! and to make matters worse, i came home the other day to find a contract on my door that said they wouldn't pay for one of my classes at school unless i committed to spending a certain amount of time at the house and was in by 11:00 at night on weekdays. 11 fucking o'clock!! I'm 19, people!! What the hell are they thinking??? :motz: I couldn't pay for all of the classes that I had to take, so I was obligated to sign their stupid contract just to graduate on time. And the fact that I just had to pay for all of my other classes means I am completly broke right now. I can't even pay for my own fucking tampons!! How the hell can they treat me like this??? :scream:

[ron]

So...Why don't you just stand up to them like an adult? You're 19 and begging to be treated like an adult; act like one.

[josiegrossie]

how do you think i should do that? i mean, i love my parents more than anything, and just because they're being like this doesn't mean that i don't want to have a relationship with them. i'm scared that if i do stand up to them that they'll freak out and, well... i don't know... just freak out...

[ron]

how do you think i should do that? i mean, i love my parents more than anything, and just because they're being like this doesn't mean that i don't want to have a relationship with them. i'm scared that if i do stand up to them that they'll freak out and, well... i don't know... just freak out...I love my parents, too, but when I was 17 I had had enough and moved out. Many people do it. You are not unique, nor are they in using guilt. Guilt is a powerul weapon. I hate guilt, so I choose not to feel it.

If they freak out...So? I mean, are they violent people? Do you owe them money? What are you afraid of? If you think you're ready, then just do it. Get out. If you're afraid of their reaction, then they have already won.

You'll never know until you try, and then, of course, it's too late.

[josiegrossie]

:HeartBrea i mean, i don't owe them anything like money or whatever. it's just that my brother let them down by acting like a jackass and not respecting anything and he left when he was about my age. i guess i'm just killing myself to try and be as perfect for them as possible as to not cause them any more grief. i know it's not right to put that kind of pressure on myself, and cognatively i can step back and say that, but emotionally, i guess i feel kinda obligated to be like that...

[ron]

Guilt, again, and rationalization of your (in)action. They have won.

[josiegrossie]

i know, i know... i'm all fucked up. so you really think the best thing for you was to move out at 17? how did you recover your relationship with your parents?

[ron]

i know, i know... i'm all fucked up. so you really think the best thing for you was to move out at 17? how did you recover your relationship with your parents?Yes, I think it was best. I might have killed my stepdad if not and then I would have missed out on what a great person he really is.

I went on to college, made money playing in a band, learned about life by living it on my own, got a motorcycle, spent many weekends with my dad (to discover what a piece of shit he is), spent some weekends with my parents (to discover that we had all changed a little), learned about what it takes to support oneself and what happens when one doesn't try hard enough (go hungry), got married, had a kid, joined the Army and fought in little dirty conflicts all over the world, discovered that my wife was a fucking psychopath, got a divorce, moved on.

In the meantime, I discovered that I had grown up and that my family is great when they're not hovering about me all the time. They discovered that I'm not really such a bad guy, just different, and that I had grown up. All is well.

[josiegrossie]

that's awesome. i'm glad things went so well for you. i'm sure that before long i'll be telling people my same story and helping them get through it, too. but for now, thanks for the advice/listening in general... :hshake:

[OuttaControlX]

you seem like a sissy and a mommas child, you obviously dont live the party life and have never stood-up for your self

[josiegrossie]

actually, dear, i'm quite the party animal. i just choose not to let it affect school or my personal relationships. don't assume that just because i care about something other than booz or weed that i don't know how to have fun...

[OuttaControlX]

like i said... sissy, and going over a friends house is not a party, now tell your parents whos the bitch and disown them :D

[josiegrossie]

actually, dear, i love to party. don't assume because i value my relationships and that i care about things other than booz and weed that i don't like to party. :rolleyes:

[josiegrossie]

i do my share of getting drunk and such. and i don't have to prove myself to you or anyone else. i'll liten to advice but i won't listen to insults.

[OuttaControlX]

i gave u advice, tell your parents your the boss take the car keys, leave and then move out, and tell them u dont ever wanna seem them again, leave for a few months call them up ask them if they learned thier lesson, after that you will be the boss of the house

[josiegrossie]

hmm.... that's something to think about... :mischief:

[ron]

that's awesome. i'm glad things went so well for you. i'm sure that before long i'll be telling people my same story and helping them get through it, too. but for now, thanks for the advice/listening in general... :hshake:
The key is that you don't have to completely sever the tie. However, you have to be strong and firm; it's tough love. Good luck.

[Deez Nutz]

Tell em you want to live on your own and spend time with your friends and shit and move out. I'll be so happy when I get to move out...

[josiegrossie]

so i should just tell them that i still want a relationship with them, but they're going to have to deal with the fact that i'm growing up and that's all there is to it... it's a lot easier to figure out than to actually say it to them, but i guess it's about that time for me to do that. thanks, guys... :angel:

[get it together]

take ron's advise on this, I may disagree with him a lot, but he definitely knows what he's talking about

[josiegrossie]

sounds good to me...

[gijoe78]

you seem like a sissy and a mommas child, you obviously dont live the party life and have never stood-up for your self

"I'm like King Midas in reverse, everything I touch turns to shit."

Sound familiar asswipe?

[josiegrossie]

um... i don't understand... :confused:

[The_DEA]

this thread needs to die

[tinytim_one]

i concurr with ron but at the same time i think that is is just a tad bit different for girls cuz girl get more attaced to there parents and guys dont fucking care and want to get the fuck out......but thats just my opinion....then i think that u should do what u think is right and in the end it will all work out........just go on ur gut feeling :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Ni99aRuss]

YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE PARENTS THAT CARE ABOUT YOU. ITS ONE THING TO HAVE 1 CARING PARENT BUT IN YOUR SITUATION YOU HAVE THE GOOD OL' AMERICAN FAMILY. YOU NEED TO QUIT YOUR BITCHIN AND BE APPRECIATIVE OF YOUR PARENTS. :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :mfinger: :

[Broken]

:bawling: my parents are such idiots!! i am nearly 19 years old, and about to graduate from the community college. i tried to move out about 3 months ago, at which time they cried and boo hooed about how they would miss me and how we could just spend more time together and everything would be great if i stayed. :scream:

It's takes about three days to get over this when you actually leave. Just do it and before you know it, they will respect that you are growing and need your freedom. They also know that you will be crawling back at time with an empty stomach and your electricity is cut off.
Shit my parents dropped me off at a Jack in the box, with a trash bag full of clothes and my guitar when I was a sophomore in H.S. Oh yeah and quarter for a phone call.

My ass never went back. Made my own way.

Your parents sound like good people and that's fucking awesome.

[Yeah...Right]

i do my share of getting drunk and such. and i don't have to prove myself to you or anyone else.
For someone who doesn't have to prove themselves to anyone you sure do a lot of self-justification. If you are a strong person, which I assume you are, make your own decision. You don't need advice from us. Most, if not all of us, have never met your family and, as such, couldn't give you good advice.

[YUCK FOU!!!]

:bawling: my parents are such idiots!! i am nearly 19 years old, and about to graduate from the community college. i tried to move out about 3 months ago, at which time they cried and boo hooed about how they would miss me and how we could just spend more time together and everything would be great if i stayed. so i felt sorry for them and i did. but now that i'm wanting to spend time with my friends, they're flipping out! they put this big guilt trip on me all the time about how i don't spend any time with them, and then when i do, they fuss at me about how many times i wasn't there. then i don't feel like spending time with them at all, and then i feel guilty for feeling that way. it sucks ass! and to make matters worse, i came home the other day to find a contract on my door that said they wouldn't pay for one of my classes at school unless i committed to spending a certain amount of time at the house and was in by 11:00 at night on weekdays. 11 fucking o'clock!! I'm 19, people!! What the hell are they thinking??? :motz: I couldn't pay for all of the classes that I had to take, so I was obligated to sign their stupid contract just to graduate on time. And the fact that I just had to pay for all of my other classes means I am completly broke right now. I can't even pay for my own fucking tampons!! How the hell can they treat me like this??? :scream:
if you cant pay 4 your own tampons then where r u moving 2? the street?

[Bitch]

:bawling: my parents are such idiots!! i am nearly 19 years old, and about to graduate from the community college. i tried to move out about 3 months ago, at which time they cried and boo hooed about how they would miss me and how we could just spend more time together and everything would be great if i stayed. so i felt sorry for them and i did. but now that i'm wanting to spend time with my friends, they're flipping out! they put this big guilt trip on me all the time about how i don't spend any time with them, and then when i do, they fuss at me about how many times i wasn't there. then i don't feel like spending time with them at all, and then i feel guilty for feeling that way. it sucks ass! and to make matters worse, i came home the other day to find a contract on my door that said they wouldn't pay for one of my classes at school unless i committed to spending a certain amount of time at the house and was in by 11:00 at night on weekdays. 11 fucking o'clock!! I'm 19, people!! What the hell are they thinking??? :motz: I couldn't pay for all of the classes that I had to take, so I was obligated to sign their stupid contract just to graduate on time. And the fact that I just had to pay for all of my other classes means I am completly broke right now. I can't even pay for my own fucking tampons!! How the hell can they treat me like this??? :scream:

:HeartBrea i mean, i don't owe them anything like money or whatever. it's just that my brother let them down by acting like a jackass and not respecting anything and he left when he was about my age. i guess i'm just killing myself to try and be as perfect for them as possible as to not cause them any more grief. i know it's not right to put that kind of pressure on myself, and cognatively i can step back and say that, but emotionally, i guess i feel kinda obligated to be like that...

It sounds like they are trying to control you. They got screwed over by your brother and they don't want you to end up the same way. They think then by smothering you they can keep you from leaving like your brother did. They know they can get away with it cause you are letting them. They need to know they can trust that you aren't like your brother and are more responcible. They need to be reassured that you are there for them, but in order for you to want to be there for them, they need to give you your space. This needs to be an equal relationship. They give you space, you return attention to them. It is always harder for parents to let go of their youngest. Even the second child is difficult so at least give them that understanding. But as my mother smothered me, I pushed her away. I stopped telling her what she wanted to know about my life. She then started to ask other family members about my life...personal stuff, and that would start arguments between those relatives and me. She then started to realize she's going to loose both her kids if she keeps meddling and smothering me and my brother. Once she stopped the nosing around, I started to share more of my life with her. The more she let go of me, the more I openned up to her and gave her the attention she desired. I was free to do so and I'm happy to let her into my life...as long as she doesn't smother me.

Be open and honest about how you feel but understanding of their feelings when you do talk to your parents. I wish you luck!

[Seventh]

I suppose you're feeling like my sister did before she ran away. Emotions, such fickle things that can be bent with such meaningless things called words.
I find it amusing. To be honest, I can't stand my mom. But there is a thing called endurance, my dear. Live with it, embrace it, and see it every day. You'll know these things and someday out of your patience you'll finally move out and learn lessons of life by yourself and find it harder. But then you'll realized that you've taken it on because you moved on so do what you can and live with it. At times you feel like you love your parents and at times you swear you'll kill them. Just don't take things so harshly and adapt and things will be much easier.

[josiegrossie]

thanks. that's really good advice. i've calmed down quite a bit since this thread was originally posted. i just have a lot going on right now, and wanted to know what an impartial third party might say. thanks again... ;)

[The_DEA]

w00t now let the thread die damnit

[josiegrossie]

that's fine with me!! ahem... i just don't know how to do that??? :confused: i'm pretty new to all of this...

[The_DEA]

that's fine with me!! ahem... i just don't know how to do that??? :confused: i'm pretty new to all of this...
stop posting and it will bury itsself

[josiegrossie]

so after a certain amount of posts, it'll just go away? that makes sense. okay. i'll know that from now on...

[josiegrossie]

but really, if you don't like it, um.... DON'T READ IT???? :rolleyes: