Useless superpowers

[Skorch]

Okay, this should be a good timewaster. Name the most useless superpower you can come up with that could actually qualify as a superpower (no fair just naming diseases). To start it off here's an example of the most useless power a friend of mine came up with:

Walking Man; the man who can walk as fast as he can run (but can run no faster than the average human).

[gumercules]

blends-in-with-tie-dye man - impossible to spot in the best retro hippie hangouts!

[BRiT]

From the old-time Justice League series, Aqua Man had a pretty useless superpower -- the ability to talk to sea-creatures.

[Smiss]

The ability to instantly reply to all forum posts to remain top poster... ^_^

[punkin]

They ability to find anything on sale but be broke!

[DropAcid]

Okay, this should be a good timewaster. Name the most useless superpower you can come up with that could actually qualify as a superpower (no fair just naming diseases). To start it off here's an example of the most useless power a friend of mine came up with:

Walking Man; the man who can walk as fast as he can run (but can run no faster than the average human).


It's fairly easy to tell your super power. Able to make a total ass of yourself. Your post is a total declaration of ignorance.

[gumercules]

what? he's just trying to start a game...

maybe your superpower is the inability to grasp jokes

[Smiss]

Or to be a fucking weirdo

[Broken]

Yeah ya got to be a wierdo if you don't find the same things funny as you dipshits do.

[Smiss]

Man, if you don't find anything funny that I find funny, then you have fucking problem. I think everything's funny!

[Broken]

Yeah My Problem is that just becuase you add a so called dirty word in there doesn't make it funny. Double standards aren't funny. You want to call your customers, supers, etc idiots, but you really don't want a solution to the problem. If someone gives you a solution or states the you are possible bring this upon yourself you get pissy. You just want to point out everyone elses faults with immuntity.

Personal attacks: LOL Ahh.. sounds like you all go to the same Middle school.

It's like you Sink Yeah I am sure it's the sinks fault that you are too stupid to not clog it or call somebody to fix it. YOu have posted the pics on the internet.. Smooth.. The health dept should be notified. You are disgusting, your dogs should be taken away.

[BRiT]

Now here's a clear example of useless superpowers -- the ability to bicker back and forth with no end in sight. Maybe we should start calling you two The Wonder Twins!

[Broken]

Now here's a clear example of useless superpowers -- the ability to bicker back and forth with no end in sight. Maybe we should start calling you two The Wonder Twins!


Rofl: amen.. I give... you are so right.

[anti-movielife]

an awesome super power:
stinkless farts
oh yes i'd eat chili every day! and oh man i'd so save on heating with all the blue angels i'd be pumpin out

[HoBoZ]

Useless super power:
Beeing able to sneeze at the same time your eating tomato soup without making such a insane mess that it looks like the 3'th world war started at your living room^^

[Broken]

Useless super power:
Beeing able to sneeze at the same time your eating tomato soup without making such a insane mess that it looks like the 3'th world war started at your living room^^

OK.. even I have to admit. That's good! After giving Skorch such a hard time.. DAmn it..

How about my superpower. The ability to piss people off even when you are just trying to be funny. That's about as worthless as it comes.

[HoBoZ]

It's fairly easy to tell your super power. Able to make a total ass of yourself. Your post is a total declaration of ignorance.
Just to be really annoying I will say this:
Ignorance is bliss

[AnarchyLord]

here's one:
how about the ability to continually lose all your money but you can't turn it off

[HoBoZ]

woah! I have a superpower? cool.. with this superpower I will, FIGHT FOR THE HOMELESS! but first get myself a better place than this box Im living in cus my superpower really SUCKS! :)

[Skorch]

Well, that superpower probably goes right along with this next one that a few friends of mine may have:
The chronic gambler; armed with the willingness, the gonads, and the sheer stupidity to gamble any amounts of money on anything no matter how ridiculous the odds.
(note, this power does not in any way effect the superhero's odds of actually winning).

[Skorch]

And I guess if that one counts, how bout this one that qualifies yet another of my friends:
the quitter; with the ability to quit whatever habits they may have (e.g. smoking, drinking, drugs, picking fights with hobos etc.) any time they want...as many times as they want.

[HoBoZ]

Id like to meet your friends, sounds like an interresting bunch^^
Superpower:
The narkoleptic (spelled right?) insomiac; having the amasing ability of sleepwalking 24/7

PS: That actually sounds quite cool, you dont even know you have lived^^

[Smiss]

Yeah My Problem is that just becuase you add a so called dirty word in there doesn't make it funny. Double standards aren't funny. You want to call your customers, supers, etc idiots, but you really don't want a solution to the problem. If someone gives you a solution or states the you are possible bring this upon yourself you get pissy. You just want to point out everyone elses faults with immuntity.

Personal attacks: LOL Ahh.. sounds like you all go to the same Middle school.

It's like you Sink Yeah I am sure it's the sinks fault that you are too stupid to not clog it or call somebody to fix it. YOu have posted the pics on the internet.. Smooth.. The health dept should be notified. You are disgusting, your dogs should be taken away.

I'm not stupid. I'm fucking lazy. There is a difference.

[TickedNick]

God you all suck, you tarts,

how's this one?

The ability to type uber fast but can only make one sentence a minute

[Mental]

hmm useless superpowers... the power to snap 500bras without getting a bitch slap in under 1 minute? no that aint useless.. the power to.....ummmm..... i know. the power to have perfect teeth but have NO TEETH! you wanted useless so theres useless

[anti-movielife]

the power to drink as much booze as you want but never get drunk...


ok you'd make a lot on bets but i know I couldn't live sober my whole life

[Broken]

hmm useless superpowers... the power to snap 500bras without getting a bitch slap in under 1 minute? no that aint useless.. the power to.....ummmm..... i know. the power to have perfect teeth but have NO TEETH! you wanted useless so theres useless

WOW!

[badassmtbiker]

Menstruation Man

[Skorch]

Menstruation Man
Niiiiiice. I have to say that is one of the best one's I've ever heard.

[gumercules]

super-slow blinking man

"with blinks twice as long as the average man's, super-slow blinking man's ocular musculature is a glorious achievement in refinement and control"

[badassmtbiker]

Hangover Man.


Ouch.

[BUSHSUCKSBALLS]

super-slow blinking man

"with blinks twice as long as the average man's, super-slow blinking man's ocular musculature is a glorious achievement in refinement and control"

Super-Slow Blinking Man's arch nemesis: Super-Fast Blinking Man, with the power to blink 12 times per millisecond without burning his eyelashes off!

[Rizzen Tsarran]

Useless superpower:
The ability to explode your stomach after eating pie to be able to eat more pie!

[HintOfClarity]

The Dry-Humpanator: This super hero has the ability to dry-hump as many people as humanly possible in one night without feeling any guilt.

[HintOfClarity]

Tailgator: Busts out tail-lights...One at a time.

[HintOfClarity]

Theme Music Man: For every move he makes, appropriate theme music will play.

[HintOfClarity]

Menstruation Man

Ha! Yes... Complete with ovaries.

[GottaHurt]

WTF man. He's the bestest.

[badassmtbiker]

Ha! Yes... Complete with ovaries.

but wouldn't it be more impressive without ovaries? Imagine - young Mentruation boy walks into his parents room after experiencing his first heavy flow. "Mom? Dad? Am I dying?" Cut to mother handing him a copy of "Are you there God, it's me Margaret" (or whatever the fuck her name was)

[truemusicfan88]

The power to know how to fix the problems in the world...but not be able to tell anyone.

[Ian Keith]

Out of Breath Man.
Decent Guy.
Indecent Exposure Dude.
Hold-Chopsticks-Correctly-Man.
Matching Shirt and Tie Guy.
Remember State Capitals Man.
Overweight Republican Dude.
The Blink.
The Man With Two Eyes (Legs, Arms, Lungs, whatnot).
Me Guy.

Okay, this should be a good timewaster. Name the most useless superpower you can come up with that could actually qualify as a superpower (no fair just naming diseases). To start it off here's an example of the most useless power a friend of mine came up with:

Walking Man; the man who can walk as fast as he can run (but can run no faster than the average human).

[Echo24]

how about this one: Anti-Ladies Man. No lady has ever liked him and his superpower is that all Ladies hate his guts. this power'ss gotta hurt, huh?

[Desdemona]

How about the Coke/Pepsi guy? He can actually tell the difference.

[Banninator]

heres a really useless superpower:

the ability to customize the smell of your farts.

[Unforgiven]

how about this one: Anti-Ladies Man. No lady has ever liked him and his superpower is that all Ladies hate his guts. this power'ss gotta hurt, huh?

he'd save a hell of a lot of money then

[Bigfoot]

Here's one:

The ability to make things in the microwave

And another:

The ability to bitch about anything.

[yourmaster]

useless super power..........

how about the ability to tie your scrotum in a knot?

wait, that might not be so useless....you could tie presents and you could use it as a tourniquet (sp?)

[BadEvilWrong]

I have the ability to throw cake with unerring accuracy.

[skully]

OMFG! the last post was in may 2004. READ THE FUCKING DATE!

[BadEvilWrong]

Upon reflecting upon the last ten minutes upon my life, I can conclude only this: I have no idea how I even got to this thread.

[Jiraffe]

But you did and now I am compelled to post. Thanks alot.

I have the ability to magically pull out burritos at anytime for my enjoyment.

[OmegaZeto]

I can use chopsticks to pick up and use American silverware. That's pretty useless, though not a superpower.
Isn't the whole "useless superpower" thing covered regularly on Whose Line?

[Nailbomb]

Mr. Future - Has the ablitiy to see 1.5 seconds into the future.

Smug Guy - Annoys others with his excessive love of himself.

Ace Bullseye - A birthmark forms the shape of a dart board over his heart.

Strong Woman - Has the strength of two men.

Paperboy - Attacks enemies with deadly accurate paper airplanes.

Joe Camel - Encourages children to smoke cigarettes.

[Tostig]

Tostig - the power to shed vast amounts of body hair at will (and sometimes when nervous)

[Easty]

Eastside- the ability to look to the east

Capt. N00b-ability to post retardedly