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It seems the more advanced technology becomes people these days are infected with more stupid. You’d think with all the advances we’d be getting a higher IQ but it is apparent it is doing quite the opposite. I get at least ten forwarded emails and text messages a week. Grant you it’s a lot more than that usually but never less. I’m amazed at our society and how blind leads to blind. I get many forwards that I never read but my co-workers will ask me, did you get that email I forwarded you about Obama? “I might have”, I’ll tell them “but I’ve just not checked my incoming in a few days.” Which is true, I don’t give out the same email address to my co-workers I would my friends and family or my online friends/communities. I’ve just always had three or more emails that I keep those things separated. ...

1) Happy Birthday. Honestly…it’s a mile-marker. Only the elderly should be congratulated for making it another year, but only if they’re VERY old, and they’re contributing to their longevity. It’s seriously like saying “Hey, way to go falling out of your mom a number of exact Earth orbits ago.” I propose: “_th annual fell out of your mom award”.

2) How are you? If you’re not REALLY interested, don’t ask. Most of the time, we get “fine, thanks. You?” There is that chance that you’re setting yourself up, though. That’s like pretending to be concerned about your friend’s mom’s colon surgery and having to sit through the fully detailed dissertation with graphic charts. Possibly photos. I propose something much less informationally intensive: “Don’t tell me about your poop chute.”
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I think I appropriately censored the title. Not because I don't enjoy swearing like a sailor, but for the benefit of you, the reader, to insert your own expletive after you have finished reading this.

A note to Twilight fans: This is a humorous review. I do not like Twilight. I never will. I have my own opinions about the books, movies, and author just as much as you do. In other words, you may not want to read this. In addition, there will be spoilers. If you have any plans to read the books or watch the movies (save your soul) then you may also not want to read this review.

Let's begin, shall we?
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1. Think about the person you are in love with.

I know it's hard, because this person might annoy you at times, and maybe they forgot your birthday last year, but think about all the times you laughed together and the time they found out that you, like other people, do take poo's. You will find the love there.

2. Come up with some sappy melody.

More often than not, a love song will be soft guitar, or piano, not amped up electric guitar with the most crunch you can possibly muster. That might be the type of music your lover is into, but it's not as sweet, and you might blow out an ear drum since they'll be trying to listen to the lyrics. Also, use a sweet voice, no screaming, although that may be the popular thing at the time, it's not timeless. ...

I'm not one of those girlie girls. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that wrinkle their noses at the slightest of odors, asks "what's that?" before they touch it or decide to touch it.. much less wonder if they want to be in the same room as it. It amazes me that these ladies ever manage to pluck or shave a damn thing for the "eww's and Oh.My.God's". I envision a mild scrap as a trip to the ER demanding a blood transfusion. Okay, so I'm over dramatizing... maybe, but how the hell do they do it? ...