I think I appropriately censored the title. Not because I don't enjoy swearing like a sailor, but for the benefit of you, the reader, to insert your own expletive after you have finished reading this.

A note to Twilight fans: This is a humorous review. I do not like Twilight. I never will. I have my own opinions about the books, movies, and author just as much as you do. In other words, you may not want to read this. In addition, there will be spoilers. If you have any plans to read the books or watch the movies (save your soul) then you may also not want to read this review.

Let's begin, shall we?
...